Haven (A Walking Dead fanfiction)

Chapter 17

I watch my brother leave the house, pride written all over his face, like he'd won. My stomach churns at the sight. How can he be so happy about ending a life, how can the man I used to admire so much be so cruel. I follow after him, anger bubbling through my veins.

"Shane." I call to him. He stops walking and turns to me, visibly confused that I was approaching him. We've walked far enough that we'll at least have a little bit of privacy from the rest of the group. "You have to stop this." the emotion in my voice catches in my throat. I just want my big brother back.

"Not this again." He says, rolling his eyes. "Look kid, I know you think I'm some kind of monster, you've made that pretty clear, but every single thing I've done has been to protect you and the rest of this group. No one else seems to have the balls to do what needs to be done around here." I shake my head at him.

"You've gone too far. You're letting this world warp you into something you're not. You can't keep going this way. If not for yourself do it for me. For Carl. We need you. I need you. I need my big brother. Please Shane. Just look at what you've done, what you keep doing. You think you're saving us, but you're not. You're falling apart and I can't..I can't lose you too."

"Every single choice I have made has been for you, for carl! You say you need me, but I'm right here! I'm the only one seeing shit how it really is. You're living in a fantasy Hails. The man I was came from a world that doesn't exist anymore!" He retorts angrily.

"No. I refuse to believe that. You were a cop for christ sake. You put your life on the line every single day for justice, for the law, and now look at you. I saw your face after everyone decided what to with Randall. You want to kill him." Tears threaten to spill as I speak, my voice wobbling with the effort of holding them back.

"And you don't?? After what that sick son of bitch and his buddies did to you? He's lucky I let him keep sucking air for this long."

"He's still a person! A living breathing human being! How can you take a life, end someone's entire existence so easily?"

"You want justice? You want laws? Here it is, here we are serving up exactly what he deserves." I scoff at him.

"And what about Otis? Hm? Did he deserve it to?" I scream. He storms up to me, his finger in my face.

"How dare you!"

"Don't play stupid with me Shane. I know what you did." I growl back. "This world is twisted and sick, but you don't have to be. You can be better. You have to-"

"Enough!" He shouts, cutting me off. "I won't sit here and listen to this bullshit anymore Hailey. You think I don't know what I've done? What this world has forced me to do to survive, to make sure we all survive? You're a child! You don't know.."

"I am not a child! I know just as much as the rest of you what it takes to survive. I was alone Shane! You went back for Rick, for Lori and Carl. I was alone! Mom and dad they...and then Andrew...I survived! I know!" He lowers his head, his voice softening.

"I tried to go home..I tried to-" I cut him off.

"Just forget about it Shane.." I turn and storm away from him. He's hopeless. I can't save him if he won't even see how wrong he's been. All this pressure just keeps building and building. He's my brother, it's my job to get through to him, to stop him but I'm failing. And Randall...Dale wanted me to help save him. I stayed quiet and now he's going to die. Dale was right, not saying anything is just as bad as killing him myself. But what if I had spoken up and we let him go. He could bring back his whole group and destroy everything that we have here. More people could die or those men could do what they did to me to all of us. I shiver at the thought. I would never wish that on anyone, especially not these kind caring people that have become my family. The weight of it all is just too much. I just want to scream. I find myself subconsciously searching for Daryl. I see him leave the house with Rick at his side.

"You're doing it now?" I ask as I walk up to them. Rick nods solemnly. He keeps walking, enveloped in his own thoughts, but Daryl stops.

"You should go inside, you shouldn't have to deal with any of this." Daryl suggests quietly.

"You're...going with them?" I ask him, not wanting to come right out and ask if he's going to help take Randall's life.

"I'll come find you after, okay?" I nod, staying quiet. He puts his hand on the back of my neck as he kisses my forehead. "This will all be over soon." I nod again and he leaves, catching up with Rick. I can't even glance in the direction of the shed without feeling sick. I head inside, finding Maggie at Beth's side in the bedroom downstairs. Beth seems to be in much better spirits considering the circumstances. Hershel is redressing her wound when I join them.

"Hailey." Maggie says with a sympathetic smile.

"How are you feeling?" I ask Beth hopefully, eager to keep the topic of conversation away from myself. I sit in the bed beside her, happy to be back in her company.

"Much better, Daddy says I'll be all healed up in no time." She replies with a seemingly genuine smile.

"That's great news. I'm so so glad you're feeling better."

"Me too." Maggie says in agreement. Beth's face loses some of it's light and I can already guess what she's thinking about. The same thing we're all thinking about.

"Daddy are they really gonna kill that boy?" She asks Hershel. "I know what he's done...I just..." She goes quiet. Maggie looks to me with sad eyes.

"They have to do what they have to do to protect us." He says quietly, obviously uncomfortable with the idea. Beth nods. The war inside my head continues to rage on. He's dangerous. He's a threat. He hurt me worse than anyone else ever has, but does he deserve to die? The memory of what happened, what he's done, of Andrews cold dead face as he stumbles out the barn, all ricochet around my mind like shrapnel taking bits and pieces of my composure with each slice. I can't bare this weight any longer. I don't want to. I jump out of the bed and run to the bathroom across the room, the mirror still missing, and throw up into the toilet. Maggie is by my side in an instant. She pulls back my long dark hair and holds it out of the way as she rubs gentle circles around my back.

"You're alright, you're okay." Maggie whispers gently as my stomach purges all it's contents. I gasp for air as I sit up, tears sliding down my cheeks. I close the lid and Maggie lets my hair fall, handing me a wash rag to wipe my mouth.

"I'm sorry." I whimper, embarrassed.

"Sweetie you have nothing to apologize for. Are you okay?" She asks softly as she gently tucks my hair behind my ears. I nod as I clean up.

"It's just all too much." I reply weakly, mentally and physically exhausted.

"I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, but I'm here."

"We all are." Beth adds from the doorway. "I'm sorry Hailey.. I didn't mean to-" I stop her.

"No Beth, this wasn't your fault." I force a smile and get to my feet. "I'm okay, really."

"Maybe you should rest, today has been a lot." Hershel suggests as I leave the bathroom. He hands me a glass of water and I take it gratefully.

"Oh..I don't know..there's so much to do..."

"It can wait." Maggie says as her and Beth climb into the bed leaving a space for me in the middle. Beth pats the open space.

"Come on Hails, please?" Beth pleads. I chuckle a little.

"Alright, fine, but only for a minute." I climb into bed between them, snuggling into Maggie like a child would a mother. She drapes her arm over me and across Beth. Hershel smiles at the three of us as he turns the lights off, closing the door on his way out. Maggie rests her cheek on the top of my head and I can feel Beth's resting against the back of my shoulder.

"This will all be over soon." Maggie whispers soothingly.