The Trek

6: The River of Memories

When you arrive at the river, which has gotten a bit smaller, you immediately strip and start to get in. Julian, however, is a bit more cautious.

"Come on in Julian! It's a bit cold, but feels wonderful"

He hesitates for a moment, then strips and dips a toe in the water. Then he climbs in, carefully.

You take his hand and pull him out to the center of the river. Whereas it used to be just over your head, it barely comes to your chest.

He splashes you and, surprised, you fall backwards into the water. You come up sputtering and laughing. With a smirk, you splash him back.

The two of you cling to each other, your head resting in the crook of his neck, his hands on your back, holding you and drawing you toward him. You melt into his warm embrace, allowing yourself to fully relax for the first time in years.

With a gentle smile, he takes your hands and looks deep into your eyes. Suddenly you realize that his fuckboy personality is just an act. And beneath it lies a gentle, kind, loving, and vulnerable heart.

"Julian, I..." Your voice trails off. You're too shy, too afraid to finish.

"Shhh..." he whispers, and it has the intended effect of settling your nerves. Taking your face in his hands, he leans in and kisses you. It's a gentle and soft kiss, signaling more than just lust and passion. And in that moment, you know. Julian is in love with you.

You return his kiss equally as gently, trying to let him know without words that you feel the same way. You're in love with him.

He breaks away, but doesn't let go of your hand. In return, you press your body against his, the both of you still dripping into the waist-high water. You nestle closer to him, breathing in his scent, It smells clean, earthy, and faintly musky. It smells good, and you lock it away in your memories. His skin is warm and smooth, the water running down in rivets and droplets and glowing gold from the reflection of his skin.

You savor the moment, not wanting it to end. You're only relaxed when you're in Julian's arms, and you want him to hold you forever. But all good things must come to an end.

Julian kisses your forehead. "Let's go dry off okay?"

"Mmm." You look him in the eyes. "Alright." But you don't let go of his hand.

The two of you sit on the bank, on a patch of grass, out of the sun. You start laughing, mostly out of relief. It feels good to be back here with someone you trust. WIth Julian. To let him in, even a little, and work through your fears. You know you wouldn't be able to do it alone.

"What?" He murmurs, rubbing his thumb in circles on your hand.

You look at him questioningly.

"Why were you laughing?" Julian looks curious, but gently, not in an invasive way.

"It just feels good to be able to be myself around someone. Around you, Julian." You look away nervously, but he pulls you in, his cheek in your air, his hands on your back.

"Oh sweetheart... I care about you for who you are. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide yourself from me."

You hug him tighter as a tear drips down your cheek and lands on his back.

He turns and looks deep into your eyes with genuine caring and concern. Gently, he wipes the tears from your eyes.

"Shh, it's okay. Let it all out. I'm right here." He whispers, and you let out a sigh, more tears dripping down your cheeks.

"I-I'm s-o-sorry. I didn't m-mean to c-cry. I-I-I'm ruining the m-moment aren't I..." You sob.

"No sweetheart. You can cry. I don't mind at all." He's such an amazing and caring person that it almost seems impossible he cares about you, of all people. Yet here you are.

You take a deep breath and sit up, looking Julian in the eyes and taking his hands in yours.

"Julian... I know you didn't come with me to take care of my emotional trauma, but thank you. For everything you've done for me these past few days... You're an incredible person and I..." You trail off, you wanted to say 'I love you' but you're too scared that he might not feel the same way. "I'm just so lucky you're here with me."

"I had no idea you felt that way. You're so strong, coming back here after everything you've been through."

"How?... How do you know?"

"I've read your medical profile. And you therapist's notes." He looks down sheepishly. "I don't know that much... But if you want to talk, I'm here for you. As your doctor, and as someone who cares about you. Deeply."

You untangle yourself from Julian some time later, after you've cried all your tears.

"It's starting to get dark, we should head back darling." You mutter.

"Mmph, okay."

The two of you dress hastily and set off South, towards your camp. You reach for his hand still craving to be physically close to him as you walk. He gives you a reassuring squeeze that helps you to breathe a little easier. You let out one last shuddering sigh and relax a bit, allowing yourself to be comforted by his presence.

You'd always liked him, sure.What's not to like about Julian? He's a genetically enhanced genius with the looks of a greek god. But you never thought he was really your type. He always seemed full of himself, guarded, and too perfect for someone like you. But now you realize that he's just as human as anyone else. With the same feelings and self-doubt. You never thought you could love him, but now? You couldn't imagine it any other way.

And you're sure he feels the same, but you're too afraid that you're wrong. Because what if he doesn't love you back? He's too important to you to risk losing what you already have.

You hear him murmur your name and you look at him. "Mmm, what is it Julian?"

"You went a little pale. Just wanted to make sure you're okay." His smile is warm and gentle, which helps to quell your fears.

"Yeah... I was just thinking..."

"About?"

"Just about the station. Everything is so different here. Makes me a little uneasy is all."

"Alright. I'm glad you're okay sweetheart."

"How are you doing?" You ask, realizing that for all you've confided in Julian these past few days, you haven't asked much about him.

"Me?" Julian replies, seeming a little surprised by your asking. "Just worried... For everyone. Especially Miles. I know it's selfish, but I don't want to lose my best friend."

"Oh Julian... It's not selfish to care about someone." You stop to embrace him, and he hesitantly returns the hug. But after a few seconds, he relaxes, adjusting to fit comfortably against your body.