ˢʷᵉᵉᵖ ᵐᵉ ᵒᶠᶠ ᵐʸ ᶠᵉᵉᵗ {ᶜᵒᵐᵖˡᵉᵗᵉᵈ}

𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧

one day later

this feels like it's been so long since payton remembered me. it feels like it's been months when in reality it's hardly been a day. i can still remember how he used to be. what if he never remembers me? what if one day it will have been so long since he remembered me that everything we ever had will all just be a distant memory? what if he never loves me again? what if he can learn to love me but it will never be the same? what if, what if, what if. those are the only ones passing through my mind at all times of the day. no matter what i'm doing no matter where i'm at no matter who i'm with, i only think about payton. if he doesn't regain his memory i honestly don't know what to do. how am i supposed to live with him not knowing who i am? the man i love and cherish doesn't even recognize me anymore. the man i love doesn't love me anymore. and it's all because he doesn't remember me. how do i just sit here knowing he doesn't even know who i am. he doesn't remember playing with my hair. he doesn't remember going onto the balcony while it's raining. he doesn't remember proposing. he doesn't remember holding me at night. he doesn't remember meeting me for the first time.  he doesn't remember taking me to homecoming. he doesn't remember me visiting him and giving him jello cups and pudding. everything we ever went through. he remembers none of it. i still remember which cologne he likes. i still remember his favorite hoodie.  i still remember his smile. i still remember his facial expressions. i still remember all the little things he used to say. i still remember his reactions. i still remember the way he liked his hair. i still remember all the little freckles he had on his back. i still remember him. i remember everything he is and everything he was. i remember all the things he loved and all the things he desperately hated. i remember all the clothes he liked and his favorite stores. i remember his favorite snacks. i remember him so well. all the things that made him who he is. i knew them all. i knew every single one. i know him like i know myself. but he doesn't even recognize my face. he doesn't remember my favorite things and the way i part my hair. he doesn't remember who i even am. not in the slightest. what am i supposed to do? what do i do when he can't remember me ever and we can't get married? or when i roll over to kiss him and remember he's not there? or when i go see his family but he doesn't even know who i am? or when we're old and dying and he still doesn't know who i am? i have no hope anymore. odds are he's never going to remember me. and then what will i do?

my phone rings and abruptly interrupts my thinking. i see savannah's name pop up on the screen. i pick up the phone and say hello.

"he remembers."