9 Lives

Chapter 5: A Light in the Void

Chapter 5: A Light in the Void

Jirou collapsed falling onto Rositsu's arms after what happened, the last thing he heard was Jiann saying, "Bring him to the clubroom!"

Jirou was falling in a deep void inside his mind, "I can't do this Mikeru... It's too much for me!" He spoke in frustration, his tears fell along in the deep void. While he is tearing out... Frustrated, angry, and lost.

A voice of a cat suddenly appeared somewhere, Jirou looked around him and saw a cat walking mid air in the void, it's a black cat with gleam green eyes with a collar. He noticed the main piece of the collar was part of Mikeru's necklace, because of that he reached the bottom of the void following the cat.

A piece of paper was created and the cat came near it and left it's paw print and ran away knowing that Jirou wouldn't chase the cat necessarily. Jirou picked up the piece of paper and the empty void room turned into a classroom, he sees himself with Mikeru in their second year.

He sees Mikeru at the back far right of the classroom writing, Mikeru's face to be so down, broken, swollen eyes, and his head is facing more downwards than usual putting his right hand in his heart writing with his left. He saw himself facing at Mikeru looking at the window listening to his earphones and doing edits as well.

Jirou observed every details around the room, his curiosity piqued to what is really going on Mikeru's mind, "I know you always love writing Mikeru, I just don't know what you are really writing in a state like that."

He went near to Mikeru's seeing the content he wrote,

"You told me you got a perfect grasp of my face in your dreams, as for my side I couldn't carry the guilt shaping your face inside my head, every night I force myself to shape but it was not perfect, I'm a perfectionist and I couldn't accept defects.

I was too young and blind to see, too naive and guilable for me to say that I can foresee. I am too blind by my mind and thoughts, I may have the eyes but I am easily blinded by love.

Oh Graceful Joy the greatest treasure I've hold travelling across the 7 seas risking my everything just to get you.

Was it underestimation? Was it I was youngblood? Was it that I may not know about life? Or was I naive? No, perhaps it was my flaws making things go downhill letting go of my treasure.

How may I love someone if I couldn't accept myself and my flaws to become a better person? Is love a weakness? God himself told me in the crimson void, "Love isn't a weakness pleb, but overindulging is."

The inception happened at the 14th of May, Everytime I think about the treasure, it pulls my heartstrings. I gave it a name but Everytime I spoke or either think of her name really pains me, the pain wouldn't stop makes me wanna drown in the ocean and be left alone as dead.

I don't know what does the afterlife serves me, but I think I'll only receive a short break from the pain and gain it back to the afterlife, God himself wants us to overcome the impossible, I may have the eyes, I may understand everything, but do I have the will to do it?

Checking the treasure day by day, it left a permanent scar in my chest, realizing the treasure has its flaws itself, it's withering, afraid of change. Is there anything I can do? No, it's hard to make in contact. The treasure itself is not an object for what I see. It's a person that I want to take care and I want to know for the rest of my life. And now it's gone because of my stupidity, I was naive and I hate living the life with standards, I set it high myself, I did this to myself.

I am lost... Frustrated... In pain, I am stuck in the middle fixing and destroying myself without any means to go on. I kept searching for answers, but have I ever  listened to myself? Oh, I've been always lying to myself.