Memoirs of a Young Love (Completed)

Chapter 11 - Building Memories

'Hyung, please,' I pleaded to my brother to stop saying that in front of Yejin. Truth is, I get shy especially with her. Yes, I know she is a wedding planner, and I heard she wanted to work with me considering we are in the same industry.

But everytime I receive a call from her team, I back out. I was not ready to face her. Especially after what happened.

To be here with her in the same space, breathing the same air, is something that I have always dreamt of to happen. But it was also something that I dreaded to happen. I made a fault to her, and I don't know if she will be able to forgive me.

And I don't even know if I could still have her back.

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Mom was discharged after a week at the hospital. Dad helped me through everything, considering that we don't have that much money to spend. My mom has her money, but it's not enough. I had no choice but to ask for help, what can my young self ever do? Good thing I was on full scholarship so school wasn't quite an issue. He had someone to take care of mom while I go to school every morning. Yejin came with me every afternoon at the hospital to see her, and I'm just glad that mom likes her.

But, my father's wife knew of what happened and she was obviously not happy about it. She came to see me and my mother to threaten us. I pleaded for her not to stress my mom out, but she always did. Every day, I rush home after I take Yejin to her house just to ensure that mom won't be alone. Her overall health is not stable, and the last thing I wanted is for her to have another episode. Because I could not bear it anymore. Few months have gone by, and my mother got better. She resigned from her work, and stayed in the house most of the time. She was well, although there are times that she keeps quiet, but it was not caused by any trauma. It was also almost our last term so I was getting prepared for college entrance exams.

One afternoon, as I was tending to my mom, Ms. Lee Mun Wha came to our apartment and resumed her threats to us. She wanted us out of her family's hair, while bribing us to fund everything we will ever need. I didn't want to for I have everything here in Seoul: a promising soccer career as I have just been selected to be in a college varsity team for the school I applied for, my father whom I have never met in all my eighteen years of existence, and Yejin, the only person who had become my stronghold when I was at my darkest moments. Leaving them all behind will be a big loss for me. I wanted to defy Ms. Lee all the way, but when I saw my mother kneel down in front of her and accepted the offer, I felt my heart crush to pieces. One by one, I saw all my dreams fade and eventually gone away. 

The school, the team, my father and Yejin. They all came to fade when I saw my mother did what she did. I wanted to make her stand up, but I can't. I wanted to be angry at her for what she was doing, but I can't simply do all those and make her suffer all the more. Ms. Lee laughed like a complete maniac, and I swear my blood was rushing through my head. If killing someone is not punishable, I could have strangled her right away. But I realized, she is still my father's wife and there is nothing I can do. At least for now.

She left us and I immediately asked my mom why she did that.

'I cannot let you suffer anymore because of me, Bin,' she replied. I didn't know I was already crying.

'Mom, I can always help. If she doesn't want me to see dad, fine by me. Just please mom, let us stay here in Seoul,' I pleaded with her.

'I have made my decision, Bin. And you ought to follow that. I am still your mother. We will leave after your graduation,' she said before she left for her room and closed it.

Separation was looming between me and Yejin but I never told her about it. I never told anyone what happened. One day while we were in school, she caught me staring blankly ahead as I was sitting on the bleachers  waiting for her. She sat beside me and asked me if there was something wrong.

I looked at her, as if I was trying to memorize every detail of her. Her eyes, that smile everytime she laughs, her nose and her lips. I wondered how it felt to kiss them, but I can't bring myself to kiss her only to leave her after. I don't want to inflict more hurt on her, knowing that it would hurt me twice as much.

I smiled at her and opened my bag. I got a disposable Kodak camera and asked to snap photos of us. I wanted to at least have a memory of her, until such time that I would be able to find her again in the future. We took photos of the places that witnessed a lot about us - the retreat house, the orchard, the clinic, and the soccer field, where I saw her first a few months ago. I can still remember that day, she was casually walking along the canopy covered walk with her friends, laughing and it was the first time that I saw her eyesmile. I was mesmerized by her and I wanted to impress her, so I got the ball and went up near her, so she can see me trying to put the ball into play. I admit it was way beyond me, trying to impress someone when I was trained to focus on the ball and not on anything else, especially in a game. And I understood I got her attention, because the next thing I knew, she stood up and was gazing at the field, and I knew she was looking at me.

When it was time to get me acquainted with the school, I was looking at the list and pictures of the Peer Facilitators. They were the ones who helped the new students get familiar with all the details about the school. And then, I saw her picture. She was on top, and I understood then that she was popular. I humbly asked the guidance counselor if she could be my guide, to which Ms. Cha allowed without even asking me why. And that basically started everything. I smiled at the memory, and even for just a moment, I forgot the separation that would eventually happen.

'Binssi, the graduation ball is in a week. Are you coming?' she asked me, which snapped me out of my reverie.

I remembered immediately the ball. 'Yes, I am. I'll fetch you then, so we could come together,' I replied, smiling at her as I did so. I have waited for this event to come, and to have her beside me that night, although it would be one of the last moments with her, made me smile. I realized I didn't want to dwell on the sadness that the separation will cause me right now, because I would be having a bigger dose of it when it comes.

It cost me quite a fortune to have the photos developed and printed, but I was glad to do so. The pictures came out beautifully, no splendid actually, and it was because of the person who was with me. I realized I knew how to take pictures, and I wanted to learn more about it soon. I particularly chose one picture, the one I liked so much, had it printed again, this time in smaller size, and I placed it on my wallet. I want to see it everytime I open it, thinking that I value her so much that I want to bring at least a memoir of her anywhere I go. It was a candid picture of her, staring at the open field, with her side profile that I see when I walk her home every afternoon.

On the day of the graduation ball, as I was preparing myself to go to Yejin's house, I saw my mom looking at something in the living room. I went over to her, and when she saw me she folded the piece of paper she was holding. She smiled at me and stood up to brush off the crease that formed into my white button down.

'Have I not looked at you for so long, son? I never saw you this dashing,' she said. I smiled, and it warmed my heart.

It was actually the first time I heard her compliment me. I felt really happy.

'Mom, I've always been this good looking. I got it from you, right?' I replied to her.

She smiled at me and caressed my face. My heart felt really happy, as this was the only time that I could remember her doing this. It actually felt so warm to be near my mom. It was a contrast of the conflicted feelings that I had to be separated from Yejin in the next few days. Then I realized that I will be doing the right thing. It will hurt me and Yejin, but if it's for my mother, I would rather suffer.

She placed my tie that completed my look and she kissed my cheek. Before I went out, she called to tell me she loves me.

'I love you too, mom,' I replied with a smile and went to fetch Yejin.

I went out from a peaceful apartment, but when I came back, I heard loud noises that enveloped an otherwise silent neighborhood.