Memoirs of a Young Love (Completed)

Chapter 14 - Predicament

'I'll follow you,' he said. I looked at him and I was about to protest to him, as I wanted to go somewhere to clear out my mind from all the things that just happened today. But my body did otherwise.

I nodded at him. I then started to drive and true enough, he was just behind me, maintaining a safe distance. A lot of things rushed through my brain, and I felt like crying.

Why, Bin?
Why all of a sudden you're back?
Why when I have decided to forget you, you are here again?

I sure joined the dating scene in my younger years, but then there was something that stopped me from having a relationship. I met a lot of guys too, with the monicker that I had back in high school that had stuck through college. But it always ended up in just a date or two, over dinner and nothing else.

Nothing else, and it was my choice.

Because no one else had made such an impact the way Bin did. We may have had a very short, six-month relationship, but what happened between us was something that etched in my memory. Pure love, in its simplest form. We were young then, but I already felt that we really did love each other. 

He walked me home every afternoon without fail. 

He befriended the gardener in the old retreat house just so he can ask to pick out a peony for me every 22nd day of the month.

He held my hand when I was nervous, such as the time when I was preparing for the school fair.

He looked at me, conveying a message that he was proud of me and my achievements.

He held me in his arms when I tried to show him just how much I loved him.

He smiled at me, with his deep dimples, when he is with me and happy.

He kissed me on our last night together. Had I known it was the last I will see of him, I could have kissed him back.

Wait, where did that come from?

As I was driving, instinct made me take a turn and drive myself home. I looked at the rear view mirror, and he was there, following me. Still. I was beginning to wonder how come he has the audacity to follow me until here. Is he not afraid of dad?

I pulled up when I reached our house, and he stopped as well. I looked at my side mirror and I saw him get down his bike, and took his helmet off. My mouth went agape at the sight. How can he still pull this off and make me feel like a highschooler again?

Did I really mean it when I said that I have moved on from him?

He walked towards my car and when he reached, he bent down to meet me eye-level. He smiled at me once more, and I felt like a butterfly dome had just been built inside my stomach. I had to firmly grip the steering wheel because I really don't know how to react to this right now.

He looked up at our house, the house he used to walk me home to every afternoon. He then turned to look at me.

'Yej, nothing much has changed,' he said. I didn't get to see him, because I looked away before I nodded.

'I'll get going, Yej. I'll see you tomorrow,' he continued, while I was still silent. It seems I couldn't find my voice, although I wanted so much to talk to him. But maybe in the next few days, I will be able to do so. As I was about to close my window, he came back up and asked me.

'Yej, can I drive you home tomorrow? That is, if you'll allow me to,' he asked.

I don't understand what should I think nor feel. Why is he making it hard for me? 

'I'll call you, Bin. Leave me your number,' I said.

---

I went into my room and flopped down in my bed. I closed my eyes and the next thing I knew is that my tears were already flowing from them. The tears that I had been holding since the moment I saw him earlier. I turned to my side and just continued crying. I thought I have done it all, crying out all the pain when he left me with a note he sent thru Hae-il oppa.