Memoirs of a Young Love (Completed)

Chapter 16 - Regrets

'Yej, are you okay?' he asked me. I was in the passenger seat of his car. Yes, I allowed him to take me home. My car isn't fixed yet so I accepted his offer to bring me home tonight.

Tonight, because after the meeting that we had with oppa, he asked me if I can join him for dinner.

Son Ye Jin, why?

I nodded at him. After a few minutes I spoke up. 'It's just so overwhelming that for two days, everything that hurt me came back successively.' Ooopss.

I noticed him look straight ahead, without even saying anything. In fact, he never said anything until we arrived at the barbeque house. He then turned to me. 'Is this okay with you, Yej? Coz if not, we can go somewhere else,' he asked. 

'No, Bin. It's okay. I don't really like fancy restaurants or anything. This is  fine by me.' I smiled at him, and just that, he went out from his side and came to my side of the door. He opened it for me, and I stepped out.

Yejin, this is nothing. Okay, breathe.

We went in the barbeque house and the aroma of the food inside was enough to make me drool and anticipate dinner. We sat down and Bin immediately took the lead to order. When I thought everything was settled, he called up again and added,

'Two spicy tteokbokki please, ahjumma,' he smiled and the older lady nodded. He still knows my go-to food. What is he trying to tell me? Or maybe it's just nothing, maybe he was just hungry. I am too.

The meat arrived and he started to grill it. I asked to cook but then he did not allow me to.

'It's the least I could do for you, for now,' and he flashed those deep dimples of him again. I had to take a sharp breath. Looking at him doing this for me, I began to wonder what was inside his mind right now. I studied his features, his eyes, his nose and that smile of him. His seriousness as he was grilling, reminded me of the times that he was getting to make a play in a game. I smiled at the memory, and just then he caught me doing so. I swear, his eyes lit up and he eased.

We then ate in silence, it was quite noisy in the resto. But what caught my attention was just how much he was being attentive to my needs that time. He opened the can of soda, made sure I get the choicest cuts, refilled what was needed to be filled, asking me if I was comfortable. It seems to me that he was putting his best foot forward. And I don't even know why I allowed him to.

When I only wanted an explanation from him for the past twenty years he did not even bother to look for a way to find me.

He picked up the tab and just when I thought we were going home, he asked me if it's okay if we get some ice cream.

'If you let me pay for it this time,' I replied. He nodded.

We then went into a convenience store, and I picked the flavors. Mint chocolate for me, vanilla for him. I paid and we sat down on one of the tables. I figured it was time to talk so I initiated the conversation.

'I never thought we will see her today.'

'Yeah. It's true when they say if it rains, it pours,' he answered. That line was supposed to be mine, or was he just like me who didn't know anything until yesterday?

I smiled, remembering everything that Eun Suh did. It was but a childish game to me now. 'But you know what, I have forgiven her. It's no use to hold a grudge over something so trivial,' I said. I saw him stop at what he did, and I noticed he was looking ahead again. He fell silent once more. A few minutes after, he asked if he could take me home. It was 9pm. I nodded and we walked to his car together. He opened the door for me, like he had done earlier, and I hoped in. He then came in and started to drive.

He was silent the whole ride, and I took that chance to close my eyes. I wanted him so much to talk to me, but he didn't say anything. I did not push him. We do have the weekend to spend with. Maybe he will spill there. If not, we'll, I will just have to let this wedding finish and get over it right away.

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I stole a glance beside me when I saw her close her eyes. She may be tired, but I know I have to talk to her. At least, let her know about what happened. I can't wait to be in Jeju with her, and start from there. I can't waste any more time, we are not getting any younger.

If I can have that chance to be with her again, this time I won't let go. I know it won't be easy, for every decision I had done before was something that was really beyond explanation. I wanted so much to see her after a year, but my mother's health stopped me. I wanted to go back to Seoul the moment she was stable enough, but I was afraid that she might have another episode while I am away. Knowing things about her, wasn't just enough to compensate the pain of missing Yejin each and every day.

I miss her then, and even if she is beside me now, I still miss her. I miss her that I wanted so much to hold her right now, stop driving and just hold her. I wanted to tell her how much I regret not telling her everything that has happened, but then again, if she knew, what would make of it? Would we be able to go through it together? Or would we have drifted apart still?

Regrets. They are eating me now. And it didn't help when I heard her say what she said earlier, while on our way to dinner.

'Everything that hurt me came back successively.'

I pulled up as we arrived at her house. I turned to look at her, and what I saw was something that I know I would have gotten the chance if I only allowed myself to.

Her sleeping, with her steady breathing like music to my ears. 

Yejin, if you only knew how much pain I went through because I left you, how much I regret not being able to see you, how much suffering I endured because of that damn letter I wrote to you.

I softly called her name to wake her up, and it took a full minute for her to open her eyes. And when I looked into them, I knew.

She is the one. 

'We're here,' I said. She straightened up and took off the seatbelt. Just as she was about to open the door, I stopped her.

'Yej, I think I have to go earlier to Jeju.'

She looked at me, questioningly.

'Why? I thought we're going there together?' she asked, and if I'm not mistaken, there was annoyance in her voice.

I smiled at her. Then I got out my door, went to her side, opened it up for her and she came out. I walked her to their house gate, where so many, many memories of us being there came flooding back to me, invading my senses and wanting to hasten up the chance of winning her back, while stopping the urge to kiss her right here and right now, not when I have not yet explained to her everything she has to know.

'Trust me, Yej. I won't leave you hanging this time.'

She looked at me, and her words were enough to bring both chills down my spine, and hope in my heart.

'Just make sure you won't,' before she turned around and closed the gate.

I stayed for a few moments, thinking how much I have missed. Thinking how much I could have done if I held on.

But I know I had to let go of the regrets that's eating me. It's enough that I acknowledge them, and I have to let her know about it.

It's time to make things right.

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A/N:
We'll go to Jeju later 🤭🤭🤭
Happy Chuseok!!