My Life Through My Diary

Page 1

Dear Diary,

My life's a mess and I don't even know why I existed to this world when people just made me feel worthless. I am all alone. My life never really came to life. I mean like I feel like I'm dead, roaming around the world to observe and get pissed on people's behaviour. I never did like any of the people. Not even my own family. You're all that I have diary. You're the only one whom I can run to when I feel hurt and broken. I love you and myself. Only the two of us against the world.

Love,
Heavenleigh Urschel

I closed my diary and reach out my phone. Yeah, I hate people in real life but not on social medias. I got no problem dealing with people on the internet. Aside from the filtered personalities, some people are just good but I would never trust them.

I opened my facebook account and posted a status that says:

"Having anxiety is the most silently painful experience. It makes no sense and you sit there alone and suffer for an unknown reason."

I slid back my phone to my pocket and walk towards the doorway. Where am I going? Hmm. To the kitchen? Tsk. I just felt my tummy knocking, trying to get my attention. It's the only time for me to realize that I was hungry. It's past 3 o'clock. I haven't done much for this day yet. Just lay down my bed and stare at the ceiling. I didn't eat anything since this morning.

"Finally, you showed up." I heard my mom's voice from behind. Andito ako sa kitchen. Trying to look for something to eat. I shrugged and tried to ignore her presence. Having her around doesn't really make me feel good. Haha. Yeah, I did hate her for some reasons.

"I'll be moving out for university by five o'clock. You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine." I muttered while eating my cake I just get from our fridge. Awww~ One of the things that I'll miss when I move out.

"Yeah. Whatever. I just don't want to get a call from anyone from your university telling me you just kicked an ass out." I laughed at the thought. Duh? I'm a good girl.

"I assure, you won't. I'm a good girl. The world knows that." I muttered as I went back to my bedroom to prepare. Finally, makakalayo na ako. I'll be living alone. Well, not really. Pft. Sa isang apartment ako titira while I'm in university. I convinced my mom to stay there. Para di na masyadong malayo ang lalakbayin ko in going to school and para na rin makalayo sa kanya and whatsoever.

Going to university sounds fun. But the fact that I need to deal with people doesn't impress me. Tsk. I just keep on wondering what will happen whenever I got there.

I checked the time and it's nearly 5. Bumaba na ako habang dala dala ang mga gamit ko. Not too many. Sa susunod ko nalang kukunin yung iba kong gamit pag may time ako. Excited ako, honestly. First time ko kasing lumayo.

"Take care, honey. Call me when you're there." I just nodded and give my mom a quick hug. I'm not that bad. I still care for her knowing that she's my mother.

"Take care of yourself too." Huling salita ko before leaving the house. I carried my stuffs all the way to my car. Haha. Yes, I got my own car. Pero hindi ko masyadong ginagamit kasi di naman ako laging umaalis ng bahay. On special ocassions lang.

I start the engine at umalis na. Alam ko naman yung address because I was once taken there to check out the room. It was fine. Di naman ako maarte. As long as peaceful ang place at malinis. Nyay.

After an hour, nakarating na ako sa apartment. Woooo. I love this place. Super tahimik. My favorite hide out. Haha.

Bumaba na ako sa car and sumandal muna saglit para damhin ang hangin. So refreshing. Medyo malayo ang lugar na to from our house kasi mga isang oras byahe ko papunta dito eh. I walked in silence then gathered all my things to the house. Hays. I need a major clean up. Everything looks dusty. Nakalimutan kong ipalinis the last time I checked the place. Tsk. But it's okay. I can do all the cleaning.

Umakyat na ako sa taas para ilagay lahat ng gamit ko then dialed my mom's number.

"Hey, mom. I just reached home. I mean, nandito na ako sa apartment." I tried to sound calm while thinking of her reaction or something. She might be grinning.

"Good to know you're safe. I think you already know what to do. I already reminded you so many times and one more thing, you----" I cut her off. "Mom, I already memorized your lines and I can't get it out from my head. Do you want me to recite it for you?" I plastered a smile and earned a chuckle from her. "Fine, honey. Better take a rest and prepare for school tomorrow. I love you." Then she hang up. Great. I almost forgot about going to school tomorrow.

I did a major clean up which I found really tiring but felt relieved when everything looks so perfect. Well arranged and such a nice place to live in. Haha. I think this is one of the reasons why living alone is fun. When you felt proud and relieved when you accomplish something for yourself. Nyay.

I then opened my facebook account after lying on my bed. I felt tired and sleepy. I already prepared all the things I need for tomorrow. I'm a bit excited 'bout school.

'I heard you're studying in Kingdom University. :) Hope to see you. I'm a big fan of you. I love your status and everything about you. Xoxo.'

I can't stop smiling after reading the comment of someone from my latest post. For the first time in my life, someone appreciates my works.

After that, I held out my book. It's a novel. I read a lot. Read books, surf the internet, clean the house, eat and sleep. Yan lang ginagawa ko everyday. I don't talk much. Galing nga eh. Di napapanis laway ko. Pft. I'm such a loner.

Habang nagbabasa ay bigla akong dinalaw ng antok. Tinignan ko ang clock to check the time and it's still 9PM. Mygoodness. Di pa pala ako kumakain. Hmp. Nevermind. Bukas na lang ako kakain. I really want to sleep at this state. Nagtoothbrush muna ako bago matulog.

Humiga na ako at tumingin muna sa kisame. Nakakapanibago pero masasanay rin ako. Good thing I don't feel depressed today. More on being excited maybe? Yeah yeah. I always overthink and I can't stop talking to my mind.

Tinignan ko muna ang diary ko sa side table and bid her a goodnight. My diary's name is Queen. Cool right? You might think I'm crazy but yeah. I don't care so good night.