The Feelings Which Flow Through Me

away

I thought I could trust you...trust you not to break my heart as you have. Even if you didn't accept it...I never thought you'd join the rest which just dropped it at my feet. You gave me hope, even past the idea of a relationship...just hope that not everyone is as bad as they seemed to be...but no. Yet again, I've opened myself up...giving my most fragile parts away...and here I am...even further shattered...the tape and glue is used to bandage up my past wounds ripped away. Can I fix myself this time? Pick up the pieces without further damaging myself? What of those shards which scattered? The shards I may never find again? Just as I was growing content with myself...the holes that had been left finally getting filled...you came along...and i foolishly...so foolishly gave you my heart. I shouldn't have said anything...i should have just stayed in the dark because at least in the dark no one can see the pain. Instead, here I am in the spotlight...my bruises and cuts on display for everyone...my heart laying at my feet again for everyone to see...for everyone to laugh. I hear them saying, "I told you so" and their lips haven't even moved. I needed you more than you needed me and you made sure I knew this. I was nothing more than what I am to every man it seems I grow to love... temporary fulfillment. Here while you need me... while you're lonely...or horny...or both...but when you don't need that validation anymore...I'm no one. You put me right back in my place and leave me to clean up whatever you broke when you used me.
I'm torn between accepting this fate and killing myself to escape it. I've lost so much of myself...even before I was more bandages and adhesive than me...what about now? Because my heart dropped again? I saw pieces fly everywhere...the wind blowing more away in the time i stood staring at the mess beside my feet.