Un-Normal

P

i need yall to read my lil notes at the bottom.. and reply to ts fr.

not proofread (i wouldnt call this chapter rushed but i be having family and home issues so its prolly some mistakes in it. )

Tristian's POV

"my mom died 7 years ago, why am I sad now" I mumbled to myself as I typed my thoughts in google.

grief can lead to thoughts of suicide

im not suicidal, a little confused but I dont wanna die.

When my mom first died my first reaction was to shut down. I never talked to anybody about how I felt. I never cried. My main focus was making sure my siblings were ok.

I didn't go to my moms funeral because I was scared of people seeing me cry. I knew I would cry because I knew there was nothing I could do or say to make her wake up and come home with us that day.

The importance of closure

closure.

A word i've heard a few times but by time it came to explain what it mean or why it was important, I was already done with trying to listen.

Im stubborn in a lot of things, ill admit it when its just me. One thing I have never let people try to sway me on is my parents.

Nobody knew my parents like I knew them so I think its fair to let me deal with them dying the way I think I should.

I got closure. A long time ago.

When the thoughts went away and I didnt feel the need to cry when I thought about them anymore, I had all the closure I needed.

the only issue now is. I cried when I thought about her. i thought i had closure but maybe I left a gap somewhere.

I feel like I handle so much on my own but, for so long I had no choice. I dont need any help now. I got me and I got my siblings.

My phone started ringing and I answered seeing in was my dad

"Yo wassup" I tried my best to hide the fact that my voice was a little hoarse from me crying earlier.

"Demon is bringing you up here tomorrow at 2:30, make sure you ready" he hung up not giving me anytime to protest it.

I sighed at that and dreaded the fact I would have to face Demon and possible Ink right after almost crying in front of them.

The crying part was enough but the part I hate the most is him prolly tryna get me to talk about something I dont even have the answers to.

I hate to admit it but Demon was growing on me a little bit. All that shit is down the drain now. Nigga almost made me cry.. about sum shit that happened 7 years ago. about some shit I had never cried about before until he said something on it.

I closed my laptop and sighed. I got nowhere on trying to figure out why I reacted the way I reacted.

I was ready for my dad to get out the hospital and ready for Demon to be the leader of the trap or whatever he was supposed to be doing so my life could finally go back to normal.

I dont want to think to hard on what happened but whenever I closed my eyes all I could see was my mom standing in front of me with a disappointed look on her face because I was playing around too much and not going to class when I should.

Back before she died, things were easier. I could cry to her, to get out of trouble. She had a soft spot for her kids and I cant lie like I didnt abuse it. I loved my mom, I hated when she was mad at me.

I tried to clear my mind a few more times but nothing would work. Her face was planted in the front of my brain.

I opened my laptop back up and kept reading.

Experience the five stages of grief

Denial.

7 Years Earlier.

"Tris! Come here lets talk" I heard my dad yell as soon as he came in the door

"Daddy! I missed you" I gave him a toothy smile and pushed my hair out of my face.

"I missed you too bug. I gotta tell you something though" His voice deepened a little and his eyes started to water and it confused me a lot.

My dad never cried.

"About your mom. And little sister. " he started off

"Are they coming home early!?" I had been waiting to meet my new brother or sister. I loved playing with Tiana and Taylen.

"Actually, they had to go somewhere else. " He cleared his throat before he kept talking "Sometimes, people are so special that they can't even live here on earth anymore. They gotta go live with all the other extra special people. " He smiled at me but now I was confused.

"Mama doesn't live with us anymore?" I frowned a little "Thats ok tho, Grandma doesn't live here, we visit her sometimes, that means we can visit mama right?"

"See the thing is, mama went somewhere that doesn't have visits. One day when you get reallyyy old, you can go but not right now. "

I frowned even more at the thought of not being able to see my mom.

"That's now how it works, I can go see grandma so that means I can go see mom."

"Tris-"

"No! You don't know dad" I frowned feeling tears come to my eyes "Mommy isn't gone, she wouldn't leave me and Ti and Tay or you and the new baby. She's gonna come back Dad. "

sucks to say she's still not back.

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ok a few things,

one, tris and his siblings were a little sheltered which is why when talking to his bio parents its really child-like..

two, this chapter is short because I didnt, know if yall liked the little flashback thing with when his parents first died. If i do the rest of them, Im gonna alternate parents (For example, the next stage is anger and im gonna show his reaction with his dad rather than with both parents)

three, my comments been going down.. yall must want this book deleted.

and lastly, i love yall alottt i gotta post a life update in the thinking outloud book. I do appreciate yall being patient.

thats all guys

uhm, bye