Journey Through The Chakras

Expression

Cerulean eyes struggle to be known to the world between rapid blinking. Swirling, sparkling pools of sky blue attempt to pierce through the darkness of the room. A near silent groan made by Katara almost ruined her son's long awaited rest. That was a close one, I don't know what I would've done if Bumi woke up, she thought. She swayed in effortless waves while cradling Bumi to her chest. She was hopeful that her 5 month-old son would finally fall asleep. After noticing the child's slowed breathing, she carefully laid him down in his crib. Taking a cue from her husband, she fluidly walked out of the nursery nearly light as air.

She continued these silent footsteps until she reached her bed with her adorably sleeping husband. She moved swiftly under the covers making sure to not wake Aang. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she cursed her husband's ability to notice the shifts in weight in their bed. "Mmm...Katara....sweetie, did you get up again? Why didn't you wake me?", he asked amidst his yawns. Katara forced a tired smile, "It's fine, you have a big meeting tomorrow and you need your rest. Don't worry, it's all a part of the job." His face has a confused look. He wasn't sure if she was lying to herself or to him. He decided to not press the issue so he could let his beautiful wife rest, but wanted to bring it up tomorrow. "Okay...but I'm serious, next time,", he yawned, "Please wake me! I want to help."

She could see the earnest and compassionate expression in her husband's face. She asked herself, I know he has the best intentions, but how could I tell him how I really feel? She couldn't do that to him, not when he has the whole world on his shoulders. It will just be a few months until Bumi's sleep schedule becomes more consistent and this will be over, she reassured herself. She could handle it but she knew she would have to placate him to make him drop it. "Okay, sweetie. You're right. I'll ask you next time." Aang didn't feel completely convinced by her answer, but they were both exhausted, so he let it go. They were undisturbed for the rest of the night and both parents were extremely grateful.

As the sun rose and illuminated the house on Air Temple Island, Aang was up meditating in the grass behind their home. After feeling lighter than air from the meditation, he strutted and hummed his way into the kitchen, not feeling this refreshed since before the baby came. He made some jasmine tea, seaweed soup, and cut up fresh melon for himself and his wife. Having a thought of bringing breakfast to his wife in bed, he darted around the kitchen placing all of the items on a tray. He glided into their bedroom only to find the bed empty. He frowned but figured she was with Bumi. Quickly turning on his heels, he zipped to the nursery. As he walked in, he stood frozen at the sight before him. His wife in their rocking chair while cradling their son against her chest. It would have been a perfect memory to capture except for the tears running down his wife's face.

Katara was restful but not quite asleep. Aang softly placed her breakfast tray on the nightstand and walked over to his wife. He lightly kissed her forehead, startling her. "Oh! Oh, Aang, I must have dozed off rocking him back to sleep after his feeding," she stated with a raspy voice. Upon closer inspection, he became aware of the dark circles under her eyes. She didn't look like herself and he didn't like it. "Sweetie...are you okay?" After a few uneasy moments, she decided to speak with a dismissive statement, but a loud sob came through instead. This wasn't a cry that manifested from a poor night's rest or even having a bad day, this was something more pervasive. He felt a punch to his gut when his wife began to sob. It was loud, messy, and couldn't be stopped as much as she wished it could. He recognized this couldn't be mended with breakfast in bed, this was depression.

Aang became relieved briefly at Bumi's remarkably deep sleep and swiftly placed him in the crib. It was now Katara's turn to be held. Picking her up bridal style, he carried her to their room and gently placed her on the bed. He laid down next to his crying wife, cradling her, with her head on his chest. He cleared his throat as he stroked her hair, "Please tell me what's wrong. I want to help. I know something is wrong. I wish you would just tell me. I don't care how bad it hurts, I want the truth." Her crying stopped on the word "truth". Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself down enough to force words out into the air. "Aang...I'm so sorry. I thought I could do all of this on my own. I told myself that I would take care of Bumi so you could focus on the world and Avatar duties. I didn't want that burden on you." She sighed and looked at her husband. She saw her husband looking at her with softened eyes, hinting for her to continue. "At first it wasn't too bad. I was enjoying spending time with him and I felt so happy. But then I started to feel lonely, like really lonely. It didn't make any sense. Why did I feel so lonely when I had a baby? How can a mother feel lonely? I...I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to see me as a bad mother."

Another gut punch in Aang's stomach. He couldn't believe it. He did not understand how she could possibly think she was a bad mother. He started to feel guilty for not seeing the signs earlier. He knew she was off but thought she was just tired. "Katara, you are not a bad mother! I see your hard work every day and I love you so much. I feel like chopped liver when I try to play with Bumi, all he wants is you. You are one of the most selfless and caring people I have ever met. I remember how you took care of us in the desert and I don't think you drank any water at all. I don't want you to do that anymore. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm." Her tears stopped and breathing returned to normal. She smiled at her husband, "I'm glad you don't think that. It really does make me feel better, but...what happens now? You'll have to go away today and sometimes for weeks at a time. We both have our responsibilities to uphold."

Aang reached his hand to her cheek, stroking her face with his thumb. "I was born to have the whole world on my shoulders but that doesn't mean that you feel that responsibility, too. No one raises a child alone, Katara, and I would never ask that of you. Part of me blames myself for not asking more questions or being more decisive about when I wanted to take him." Katara reached her hand up to meet his, "You were asking the right questions and I know you care, don't blame yourself. I should've been more open about what I needed, though. I just felt this guilt every time I fantasized about being alone. I never want to turn my back on people who need me."

Aang removed his hand and brought Katara back into his arms with her head on his chest. "Oh, Katara," he stroked her hair, "I think a lot of parents fantasize about being alone sometimes. Asking for help doesn't mean you're failing. We can find someone to come over to help if I'm ever gonna for more than a day. Suki is always offering to babysit. I still have connections in Ba Sing Se, how about a spa day?" She laughed into his chest, "You have connections everywhere you go, Mr. Avatar!" His heart fluttered as his wife's laugh. He didn't realize until that moment that her laugh has been gone for much too long. "Sure, a spa day would be great. Maybe I can get Toph to come, I'm sure she would love another pedicure," she said with a laugh. He laughed brightly, "Oh, man, I need to sneak by just to hear Toph's reaction when you tell her!"

She continued to tell him about Toph on their spa day Ba Sing Se where more than a few people got bodily injured by the earthbending master. After their laughter subsided, the couple sighed blissfully. Katara absentmindedly stroked Aang's arm and looked up into his stormy gray eyes, "Again, I'm sorry. I promise to try sharing what I need with you more often. It's hard, you know, taking care of everyone. I forget I need to take care of myself as well." He leaned down to kiss her just as Bumi began to cry loudly down the hall. Before she could move an inch, he airbended out of the bed with a grin on his face. "A-ha! I'll get him and your breakfast, too. Rest!" His wife smiled at her thoughtful husband. Her mind began to imagine what he made for breakfast as he exited the room but all too quickly she was falling asleep. This time she didn't fight it.