When a Fan Fall in Love

CHAPTER 11 - WITHOUT YOU

JI EUN'S POV

"It goes down down baby" I sung out load in front of the mirror with the broom on my hand. It was taking me the whole day to clean the house though it's not that big but aside from cleaning, I am also having a concert here. Playing every song of EXO and singing along with it while cleaning takes me away to wonderland, maybe EXO planet exist at all.

For some people day off was great; some would be happy to get a rest from work, spend time at home, watch movies, do things they wanted aside from work; but for me, it was different. It was like a one day sentence for me. It locks me up on my thoughts, it locks me alone in the darkness of my mind.  

"Down, down baby" my voice goes out of pitch... I coughed. and continued cleaning again.

"Down, Down bay" Jumping up and twirling around, I started to realize the sun is about to set.

"I Should I visit the café and buy groceries now. " I then hurriedly changed.

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CHANYEOL'S POV

"That was nice" The hot water just took away the tensed muscle I was having from the day. I let the water run down to my face upto my body. 

"Why does it felt so tiring today. It was always tiring at work but today's somehow different. I felt bored." I sighed. Then suddenly I remembered her.  

"Hey! What's wrong with you! Why would I think of her." I said to myself and quickly finished taking a shower.

"Yeah! ofcourse, I was just tired today out of all days and it so happen that she was on day-off. Of course, that was just a coincidence."

"It's not like today was boring because she was not there..." I thought for a second... "Why am I even thinking about that? Why am I even talking to myself?"

After changing, I sat at the bed near the bedside table where I put the notebook she left last time.

"You really are very clumsy! How can you left this!" I chuckled.

I opened the notebook to the page where it was facing flat on the floor when she drop it yesterday as she suddenly run after asking for forgiveness.

"Im sorry if I creep you out. I'm...  I don't mean to scare you. I would never do harm to someone who has been there for me to cheer me up; to make me brave, to bring music to my life, to take away the loneliness/ the sadness I have been feeling."

"You may not know it but through my struggles and through my success; whether it be tears of joy or sadness, you were on it, on every part of it. Your music allowed me to express how I felt; it let my tears came out when I didn't even know how to cry; it let my lips smile from ear to ear whenever your song cheered me on; it let my confidence boost-up when there is nothing for me to climb on. Your music became my strength, You became my strength. Your Music was with me and that felt like you were with me. Without you, I wonder: would I be able to go through all that pain with a little bit of hope left in my heart." 

"I'm sorry I got excited at the thought of being with you and I wasn't able to think it through. I didn't realize that I could hurt you with that... I'm sorry."

"Ugh! How can I say that to him?" She even write this on her note. I laughed, 

"This is a long script and all she said was I'm sorry? Should I ask her for forgiveness again?" I chuckled.

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JI EUN'S POV

"I gotta go!" I said to the owner of the café (Jacqueline).

"Wait!" Jacqueline run toward me and handed me a paper bag.

"hmmm?"

"That's a cake! To make your life sweet!" she laughed. "Visit here sometimes, you should at least tell me about EXO" she whispered.

"Shhh... Thanks" Then I waved good bye to her.

It was dark and I started walking home. I was about to enter the alley, when I realize it was so dark. Suddenly, the air passed by my nape. I started to have goose bumps. For a woman walking alone in this dark alley, it was quiet dangerous especially at night. But I have no other choice. 

I took a step forward and all I could hear was the sound of the mice eating garbage then there would be a motorcycle speeding up and doesn't even care if he would hit me. "Ya!" I wanted to shout and yell at them but what if they would get back at me. I continued walking but a group of drunk men passed by me.

"Oh! you're alone"

"Would you like to join us."

I speed up, luckily they just let me be. It was so quite. I took a deep breath and it is still a long walk home. Then an Idea came to me. I smirk.

"Huh! who said I am alone." I then started to search something on my bag. "Here it is!" I found my earphones! "Savior!" Then I connected it to my phone and played a song of EXO.

I walk as the pace of the beat of the song, it brought me confidence, and so I raised my head up and look forward to the road where I would pass by.

As the song Monster (EXO) is being played, my pace started to got more relaxed then later on it's like I was dancing along with it. The alley was dark but It was lightened up as my imagination were brought upon. I imagined EXO was guarding me, walking behind me. As Chen started to sing on my earphone, I imagined Chen walked right beside me. Then Sehun's part came and he was walking on the other side with me. Then Chanyeol started to rap and his image came in front of me, like he was rapping while walking backwards and facing me. As someone creepy passed by me, in my imagination Chanyeol would rap at them scaring them off. I realized I was laughing at that thought and that leave me being the creepy one. Now the people who passed by just got scared of me. I forgot I was alone. It was like they are here with me as I listened to their song.

"Your song cheered me up like it was you who was there all the time. Your song was there when I have no one." indeed that was true. I even wrote that line on my notebook. "OMG! where did I put it? I should check my bag later."

I arrived at home smiling. "How Silly! That was fun! I'm really creative" I laughed at myself.

I opened the door smiling and drop the earphone then silence clouded in again. It was so silent no one was greeting me. I looked around and it was empty. 

Still, no matter how much I created a world on my on, I can never escape reality, the reality that I was alone.

I put all my groceries on the fridge. "I even bought a lot. It's not like I can eat it all." I looked around and stop on the picture frame of my mother on the wall. I step closer to it, touching the picture, tears just drop from my eyes.

"I wish there was someone who would greet me when I got home, I wish you were there to listen when I talked about how happy I am working with EXO; I wish you were there to scold me when I am being clumsy. Working with EXO was a dream come true but everytime I walked back here, it felt like I was walking toward nightmare. I wish you could comfort me when I had a nightmare, I wish I could complain when I'm in pain. But what pains me the most is telling everything to you in this frame." I catch my breath as I sobbed and tears just keep on falling and her smile on the pictures started to fade as it was blurred out by the tears in my eyes. 

--- END OF CHAPTER 11 ---