Before and After

Your not okay are you?

We've been driving for twenty minutes and he still wouldn't tell me where we're going yet.This whole ride the music has been on and nobody said a word.I really don't know why he was doing this we haven't seen each other in five years he doesn't know me anymore he doesn't understand me.

Finally, he pulls in to the parking lot and I finally realize where we are,when we were little we used to go to this exact park nearly every day.His mom would drive us here and she would sit in the car facing the park watching us and after we would get ice cream.

"You're really trying to make this like old times aren't you"I said getting out of the car."What do you mean I have no idea what you're talking about I just felt like going to park it's not my fault it just happened to be this one."He smirks walking down the grassy field towards the swings."Yeah but there were twenty more other parks that weren't twenty minutes away.

"Alright fine,you know we used to love this park it was the only other park that had a seesaw and the spin thing, remember I would spin you around and then jump on with you and we would laugh for hours." He was sitting on the swing now.I sat down next to him."Yeah, I remember you would fall and I would laugh and you used to get really mad." 

"Hey it really broke my heart okay don't blame me." He was swinging softly.I waited a few minutes until I finally spoke again."When you moved it was okay for a while until highschool started I even had a couple of friends but they all left one way or another."I looked at him for any type of reaction,his face dropped from the smile he once had and he was staring straight at me."I begged my mom not to leave and you know that,If I had a choice I would have never left you."

I looked down at my shoes."I wonder what it would have been like if you would have stayed."I look back at him and he was still staring at me never breaking eye contact."I would have probably asked you out as soon as we walked through the high school doors."I stare at him in shock."What do you mean?"He looked at me with a smirk and just shook his head.

"Only two months until Thanksgiving are you excited."When he said that my vision started to get blurry,he looked at me with worry in his eyes."Do you not like Thanksgiving when we were younger-"I got off the swings and stood directly in front of him with an angry expression on my face."Stop doing that it's not like when we're younger anymore It's different this place is different we're different." He just looked at me and started for what felt like hours until he finally spoke again.

"Your not okay are you?."He said it with no emotion like he wasn't trying to give anything away.I was in shock nobody has ever even noticed much less asked if I was okay before and he's been only here for what two days."What do you mean?"I stood over him with my arms crossed at he was just sitting on the swing looking me dead in the eyes."Your not okay you try to act like you are but your not and what happened yesterday from what I researched was a panic attack."

This was unreal nobody- this could not be happening why couldn't the world stop playing this sick joke on me.I was fine with the decision I had made I was going to do it during Thanksgiving break while my mom was away with her boyfriends family.I was going to do it and now just because Mr.I smile and try to make everything better is interfering with my life and figure things out it gives me hope and hope is the last fucking thing I want.

"I don't know what you're talking about and I would appreciate it if you stop snooping into stuff that you don't know the first thing about." I said and for a moment I saw a flash of hurt in his eyes before he masked it with a blank face "Then tell me what happened for the love of god maybe I could help y-" he said with a pleading look before I interrupted him."You can't help me nobody can help me you can try but it's not going to work, I've lasted five years without you okay so don't start now" I said it and immediately regretted it the look of hurt flashed on his face and this time he didn't try to hide it.

"It wasn't my choice to leave if I had a choice I would have been there protected you from whatever hurt you and I know that something is wrong so that is why I have a plan." I stood in shock he was supposed to be telling me off and trying to beg me to tell him and now he's talking about a plan? "What kind of plan?" My voice two notches higher in suspicion."The plan is every day we're going to do something and you're going to feel every second of it and then you can decide if you still want to do what you want to do."

"How do you know what I want to do" I just looked at him and that fucking smirk came on his lips."I know you and I know a broken person when I see one and you are in fact broken so therefore I know what your planning to do and when," I glared at him with everything in my soul there was no way in hell he knew unless he was a mind reader."How do you know when I'm going to do it? " 

"Well, when I mentioned thanksgiving did you or did you not have a sad reaction?

"Yes I did but-"

"Did you or did you not have love thanksgiving the last time I saw you"

"Yes but that could mean any-"

"So that means I have sixty days to "save" your life" he looked at me with a big smile proud that he had figured it out so easily.

"You just think that you know everything don't you?" I stared at him with pure shock on my face this motherfucker came back in two days and he already knows everything... well almost everything."No, I just used context clues honestly your not that hard to figure out all you have to do is look close enough and you can see the missing puzzle pieces." He gets up from the swing si that we are two inches apart and tucks one of my curls behind my ear.