endure || obikin

three

I climbed in and pondered the mission. Anakin and I were to lead a small airstrike on the base- though this detail was only intended to draw the separatist fighters outside- reducing the security on the inside- not cause any significant damage.

Me, Anakin, and two clones were then to land and infiltrate the base from the back while the other clones created a second diversion in the front. Master Windu used this tactic often, though secretly I despised it. It endangered our clones unnecessarily, which made my stomach turn. But, the plan was already in place, and there was nothing I could do to alter it.

R4 slid into place in my fighter, beeping monotonously as the cockpit closed up. 

"I know, R4. No fancy flying this time, but next time maybe." The small droid chirped somewhat hopefully at me. Blearily, I pulled on my headpiece, flipping certain switches and pressing the buttons to start up my ship. In response, the engines purred at me, and I wiggled the steering wheel to loosen it up. The hatch in the top of the ship slid open, and it was time to go.

As one, Anakin and I lifted, soaring upwards from the hangar, shooting into the velvet darkness- two red daggers, about to sink into another unsuspecting victim. Two clones dispatched behind us, and I grimaced, wondering who it was that had replaced Cody, wondering whether Waxer or the others were alive. Grimly, I decided that if Cody was gone, then they must be too. My stomach soured, and I shut my eyes momentarily.

My fault...

"Master. Don't think like that; it's not good." Anakin's voice drifted from my headpiece, his reaction to my thoughts startling me. I could hear the guilt in my words as I lamented back to him, not bothering to cover it up. 

"I can't help it, Anakin. They were my men; I should have protected them...." Trailing off, a dangerous wobble returned to my voice. I was always sensitive after a battle, but something about this last one had shaken me more than usual.

Anakin sent me a warm feeling through our bond. It seemed to whisper 'open up,' so I did, releasing my shields and surrendering my mind familiarly to him. Sighing, I felt his aura flood into my head, and my consciousness relaxed into it. Somehow, this made me feel safe; It made no physical difference, but I still felt as though I were in his arms.

Dantooine loomed, and I felt my stomach sour, thinking about the lives we would possibly lose today. The numbers of deaths from recent battles ran through my head, each higher than the last. Whether we liked to admit it or not, the Separatists were always two steps ahead of us. Their battles were almost always diversions, and they never did anything remotely predictable. Even the strongest minds in the order struggled to uncover the future of our war.

As R4 chirped that we would soon land, my mind recalled the looks on the faces of my men, their expressions when I gave the death toll, each time I told them the statistics of a battle upon our return to the negotiator. If I ever commented, they were quick to remind me that they were 'meant to be expendable,' but I shot it down every time. 

"A life is a life, men- we are all beings of the force, and we all have significance. Don't lose sight of your right to live."

But here I was, leading them into danger once again for the thousandth time, as though I truly did believe them to be expendable. I hated myself for it and let myself feel this self-loathing, forgetting that Anakin was inside my mind. Over our private line, which he left on at all times, I heard him inhale sharply, and his voice fizzled into my ear, compassionate and loving. 

"Obi-Wan... why do you feel this way? You can't blame yourself for the casualties of this war. You know what happens when you do."

I grumbled at him, the strain in my voice causing it to get slightly pitchy.