endure || obikin

two

Dull aching, bruises, cuts, scrapes, pain dragged me from the innocent, blissful ignorance of sleep, and my eyes cracked open. Angelic light filtered idly down from the window and illuminated Anakin's eyelashes and hair, casting a brilliant halo around his head. I smiled to myself. How fitting. My angel and his Halo. The angel's chest rose and fell below me, his expression serene, at peace. Desperately, I wanted to keep him that way- tried to protect him, hold him here, never let him hurt again. I didn't want to land on the planet we were heading for; didn't want to have to start up another battle; didn't want any more death on my hands, more blood staining my Jedi Robes.

Anakin may have been the strong one last night, but I knew he would soon falter once again; knew that that war would press in on his head, fracture his mind, shatter his soul just as it did to me. It happened to both of us- somewhat frequently, and I hoped I was strong enough to help him through it again this time. Since the day I met him, I felt the unshakeable urge to protect him from harm at all costs. After all, I was his master.

My padawan had long since been knighted, but my feeling of responsibility for him remained, as did our training bond. I never understood why I hadn't broken it- as was tradition- but no one had questioned it. The council didn't even bat an eye- and I suspected that was because they were hesitant to break up the unstoppable duo. Allow me a moment to brag- but we had only failed two missions during our twelve years together- and the council didn't seem to care how we accomplished that.

In the present, I gazed at my lover. The sunlight lit his cheeks, his tan skin glowing gold. I wished his eyes were open so that I could gaze unworthily upon their magnificence, but I couldn't wake him. These moments of serenity were few and short, so I dared not move, even as my comm buzzed softly on the bedside beside us.

Drowsiness tugged at my eyelids, and I drifted in and out of intermittent slumbers, nestling deeper into Anakin's arms each time I fell asleep again. Eventually, the morning sun rose higher in the sky, and Anakin awoke. Inhaling a long breath through his nose, he wriggled his ankles and wrists, twisting his neck to wake himself up as his eyes fluttered open, glancing around my room before landing his gaze upon the smaller Jedi in his arms.

He forgot the soreness of his muscles and the dull pounding of a battle-forged headache when he saw me in his arms- hair messily tousled, lashes resting on my cheeks, the worried line between my eyebrows gone- and smiled, his breaths ruffling my reddish blonde hair softly. My comm buzzed again, so he pressed gentle kisses across my brow, my cheeks, before pecking me on the lips, his hands traveling up and down my sides to gently lure me from my slumber.

Blinking, I lifted my head and gently kissed his cheek, silently asking him to run his hands through my hair. He knows I love that, and I know he loves doing it for me, so he obliged. As his fingers glided effortlessly through my hair, gently massaging my scalp, I placed a kiss to his lips, his cheek, his jawline, before leaning down to suck gently on his collarbone. His hands tightened slightly in my hair ever so slightly, and I knew I'd found the right spot. His small huffs ruffle my hair, and I close my eyes, pleasing him in the way I know he loves.

After several moments of drowsy kisses, he rolled me over, pecked my cheeks, and slid from my bed, stretching himself out as he stood. I didn't even try to look away as he stalks across the room, the toned muscles of his abdomen and back rippling under his gently scarred skin. I observed the minor bruises and scrapes across his shoulders and waist, wondering which might scar. Arms lifting above my head, I stretched myself out like a loth cat, arching my back and almost purring when I successfully released a bit of the tension in my muscles.

Anakin turned to me, trousers loosely hanging on his hips, and tapped his wrist. Grumbling at the prospect of leaving my bed and the safety of Anakin's arms, I rolled from the bed. Blearily, I tumbled into the 'fresher, showering again, letting the cold water wake me up from my reverie. I knew that we would exit hyperspace at Dantooine at any moment, and the fighting would resume- though hopefully, this battle would not be as deadly as the battle from the day before. Most of Dantooine was currently under the Republic's grasp, but that status changed almost weekly. Today, we headed for the equatorial regions of the southwestern hemisphere- an agricultural sector with very few inhabitants.

This last factoid made me slightly less uneasy- we would likely not cause any harm to the locals. This reprieve from my bone-crushing guilt was short-lived, as the anguished, dying shouts of the clones echoed in my mind again, my unease returning. Shivering at the haunting memories, I stepped out of the fresher, toweled off, and pulled on my tunic, trousers, gauntlets, boots, and armor. Humming a random tune to distract myself, I combed my hair neatly and prepared myself as though I were only heading to a diplomatic negotiation or a surveillance mission.

Anakin waited for me in the hall, and we walked together- stepping in time with each other- to the bridge. In the lift, I questioned him about how he expected the mission to unfold, and he mirrored my fears of another battle. We discussed the logistics of the terrain, scrutinized the weather, complained about the thin atmosphere, and finally regressed into a comfortable silence, his hand grabbing mine for a small moment. I smiled.

The lift chimed, alerting us that we had reached the bridge, so Anakin waved open the door as we quickly dropped our hands. We entered to see several clones clustered around a hologram, muttering to themselves and their comrades about the mission, undoubtedly discussing its logistics as we had been doing moments before.

I picked out a blonde trooper with blue armor and smiled. Rex is ok. I then scrutinized the group, my heart ceasing to beat when I realized I couldn't find Cody. The ground seemed to be very far away, and the voices around me reduced to distant echoes. No... please no... Lowering my shields an inch, I turned to Anakin, the panic seeping through our bond and registering with him. 

"What is it, my L... eh, Master?" He kept his tone conversational, but his signature seemed to mirror my concern. My words seemed to come out very small. 

"Cody... he isn't here."

I looked down, the horrible words forming in my head. I lost Cody. He was killed in the battle. It's my fault...

Anakin placed a hand on my shoulder, saying nothing as I staggered cautiously towards the group. My mind wandered, spun, and stretched as I mindlessly observed the hologram of the Separatist base on Dantooine, which we were to invade. The voices of the clones, each slightly different, seemed to blend together, and all I could think about was the fact that Cody's slightly deeper one was not among them.

A tear slipped from my eye, and Anakin reached up, wiping it away. Luckily, everyone was focused on the hologram, and no one noticed this gesture. I leaned against him very slightly, and he pressed his shoulder back against me, letting me know he was there. The hologram continued playing, and I noted specific essential details, allowing the rest to drain out of my mind. 

'Cluttered minds create chaotic outcomes,' I absentmindedly remembered my master telling me.

When the debriefing finished, Masters Windu and Yoda appeared in the hologram's place, addressing the clones and then me directly. My mind was far away, and I didn't seem to hear his first few attempts at gaining my attention. 

"Master Kenobi, are you with us?" He repeated himself again, and I nodded vaguely in response, snapping myself back to the present.

"Yes, Mace, I apologize. Skywalker and I are more than equipped, and our men are ready." I spoke these words wearily, and Master Yoda noted this. 

"Mmm. Troubled you are, Obi-Wan."

In space again, I didn't reply, so Anakin nudged me, and I nodded. 

"Yes, Master. I- I lost many good men yesterday." Again, my words felt small, and the wise Jedi nodded gravely in my direction. 

"Bring tragedy, war does. Rise above it, we must." Shoulders relaxing the smallest fraction, I replied that I would do my best, and the hologram blinked off. Anakin and I paced from the room, his hand on my lower back, saying nothing until we reached the hangar. 

"Forever and always." He whispered, and I whispered it back to him. 

"Forever and always." I paced away from him, already very anxious about the mission. 

"Force be with you," I shouted as an afterthought as I turned to my starfighter, and I thought I heard him shout it back.