chapter thirty three

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Alora Slater POV

   Tears pricked the back of my eyes but I kept my head held high, not letting anyone see that I felt disgusting. To be honest, I wasn't as bad as I had thought, looking away made it much easier. If you think about something else or try and distract yourself, chances are it won't work, but if you look away... it isn't as horrifying.

   I think the thought of having performed one of the unforgivable curses was worse than what I did to that man. I still had the trace because I wasn't seventeen yet, they could come and find me at any given moment. It would be in my best interest to say something, but what could they do? There was no way I was getting expelled, and there was even less of a chance that I was getting thrown in prison.

   "Bellatrix?"

   "Hm, dear?"

   "What am I going to do about the Ministry? I still have the trace."

   "Oh, don't worry about that, it's been taken care of."

   "Can you tell me?"

   "The Dark Lord had your trace broken the second you got your Dark Mark. I won't go into detail but... there's no need for you to worry."

   "Okay."

   "You know, I never say this but... I'm actually pretty proud of you. I didn't think you had it in you, kid."

   "Me neither. Am I going back to school?"

   "You can."

   "So... can I apparate on my own then? If my trace is broken?"

   "Have you ever done it before?"

   "I have."

   "Well then be my guest, but from what I hear my sister has left your room untouched. She's taken a liking to you for some reason."

   "I should go back, Professor Snape will kill me if I miss our house meeting tonight."

   "You're afraid of Severus, child, please."

   "He's still my professor."

   "Go then, look for my owl."
-
*CRACK*

This was becoming all to familiar for my liking. I appeared in the alley that I always did when coming back to school and headed for the castle. It was about two in the afternoon and Hogsmeade was quite packed. This was the first time I've apparated alone outside of class, I lied to Bellatrix, but it went exceptionally well. I didn't think I would have smiled today, but it certainly felt nice to.

   The grass was muddy because of all the rain we'd been having lately, I would have to wash my shoes later. I reached the door and snuck in, closing it quietly behind me. A couple of the younger Slytherins saw me and bolted the other way, but it felt nice. Familiar. I used to feel weird when they would run, but now I kind of liked it.

   Walking back downstairs to the dungeons, I couldn't help but think about my mother. I hadn't seen her in forever, since Draco and I left for that week a while ago. She hasn't written to me at all and none of the Death Eaters have brought her up. I could write Adrian tonight, see if he's heard from her, they were always closer.

   I reached the Slytherin common room door but couldn't bring myself to go in. Something told me Draco knew what I had done, his aunt or his father would probably tell him if they haven't already. I wasn't ready for that guilt. When someone you hate gives you that look of sheer disappointment, it hurts like nothing you've ever felt. It's like they hated you already but didn't think you could sink that low? Yeah, it's unbearable.

   The house meeting didn't start until later tonight so I had some time before I had to be in. It was much before curfew so I opted to go to one of my many trees I always find strange comfort in. I didn't feel like going far, so I found myself going out to the courtyard.

   There were a few students out there, but I would be alone enough to think some things over. I climbed the sturdy tree and got comfortable, I was going to be here for a while. How was I going to face Daphne and Pansy tonight? Sure, Pansy was an awful person, but I loved her, she was my best friend. And because of that, she would know something is off with me if she doesn't already.

   I hate lying to them, they're always so upfront with me. The guilt comes and goes, but when it comes it is crushing. It feels like all of our years of friendship don't matter because I'm keeping the biggest thing in my life a secret. They don't deserve that. I don't want their nosiness though, or their pity. Some things just have to stay a secret I guess, and that sucks.

   I wiped the single tear from my cheek and just stared into the leaves. They had slowly been coming back, after falling for the winter they had recently budded and become full and green again. It was so peaceful up here, no questions, no lies. All I had to do was just sit. I had no obligation up here, and I wish it could be like that forever.

   "I see you're back."

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