Cursed Hearts | ATEEZ

030 BELIEVER

A sigh escaped my lips as I shut the book I had been resting in my lap, closing my eyes for a moment in order to momentarily forget the feeling of the cold floor beneath me as well as the sight of the still-growing towers of books growing taller and taller with every trip I took into the library, with every disappointed breath as I stacked them on top of each other and went to search for answers somewhere else.

I had been hiding away in this specific library for a couple of days now, having left the old, dusty one I used to practice my knife throwing in after concluding that the information I was looking for wasn't hiding away in the crumbling bookcases of the ancient room.

No, this one was much more grand and luxurious, endlessly tall pillars holding up several stories of the room, all filled to the very brim with bookcases and shelves lined with knowledge dating back hundreds and thousands of years, the space lit by glowing candles and soft golden lights which I had been awed by at first but, after a while, I had opted for a dark corner instead, feeling safer and calmer in the silent shadows rather than underneath glorious ceilings and chandeliers.

I stretched my arms over my head, yawning as I clenched my eyes shut even tighter and leaned myself against the wall behind me, shifting slightly before getting comfortable, feeling stiff and cold from sitting on the floor through several hours of reading.

Taking a deep breath, I let the memories of the darkness and sorrow and pain and broken love invade my thoughts once again as I thought back to the dream I had woken up from as the fourth trial began, shivering a little as I remembered the pain, the fear, the fact that it had been haunting me ever since that day, both when awake and asleep.

It wasn't the only reason I had been having trouble sleeping, though. The eerie clues and cryptic information I had heard and seen and gathered since arriving at the Palace of Atlas back in June, the announcer's warnings, the glowing book, and the phoenix from the trials, the memories of the sun and the darkness and the kings' tears-

I ran a hand through my hair as I shook my head, brushing off the worries and fears as I tried my best to stay awake.

I had been putting distance between myself and the others after the trial in Seoul had ended, just like Taeyong had done the moment we arrived here after The Declaration which I had criticized him for back then.

I sighed. Apparently, I was a hypocrite among many other things, but I simply didn't know how I was supposed to act, to interact, with the others, didn't know what to do if I ran into Jackson somewhere in the palace.

He had survived, both of us had. Irene, Bae Juhyun, on the other hand, had not. The contestant from Sector 3, Tokyo, where the third trial had been held, hadn't made it to the top of the mountain before the time ran out, and I had run away before San, the King of Spring, had gotten the chance to tell us what had happened.

I let my thought drift back to the temple within his kingdom, also remembering how skilled she had been with her weapons, the tessen, war fans, when I had seen her fight.

And now, she wasn't here anymore. The only trace left of her person and existence being her memory and the sorrow that Seulgi was now carrying, all alone, the tears streaming down her cheeks every time she passed me in the hallways clearly showing the loss she had suffered, the loss we had all suffered.

And then, here I was, I thought to myself, letting my eyes flutter back open as I reached for another one of the books littering the perfectly polished floor of the library, a beautiful leather-bound one with old, crumbling pages rough to the touch.

I had searched almost every kind of literature I could get my hands on, read about stars and darkness and the sun, about myths and Haelan's history and The Eight Kings, about love and death and everything in between, not finding anything I didn't already know, anything I hadn't already been questioning. I had found absolutely nothing except more confusion and frustration to add to my own, nothing except for cryptic and confusing poems or comments which had only forced me to keep searching.