𝑃𝑎𝑦𝑡𝑜𝑛 𝑀𝑜𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑒𝑖𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐽𝑎𝑐𝑘𝑠𝑜𝑛 𝐹𝑒𝑙𝑡 𝐼𝑚𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑠

Strong🪐 P.M

I went into my bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

Tears filled my eyes.

"No, no, no, no, not now, no, no, no, NOO" I cried.

"I have to be strong, no" I cried into the mirror.

"Stop"

I tried wiping every tear that fell onto my face.

"Stop being so weak!"

"Stop, no, please!" I said as I looked in the mirror once more.

"Stop it!" I yelled.

"Be good enough!"

..

We were on tour.

They went out to eat and forgot about me.

I figured they just didn't realize I was gone since there's 56 of us.

But only 21 of us are in the same bus.

Then I got to overthinking.. at least someone should of remembered I wasn't there?

No, I'm easy to forget.

Payton is too interested and caught up with Alissa's life.

He probably just felt bad for me so he asked me to be his girlfriend..

That's okay.

Pity.

Pity. Pity. Pity.

No one knows. Of course they don't.

I hide my feelings for a reason. I don't wanna draw too much attention. And no one should feel this way.

I heard a door open and close.

I quickly wipe my tears as they continue to fall out.

"Y/n? Are you here?" Noen calls.

I didn't say anything.

My head hurts too much.

He came into the bathroom and saw me on the floor.

"Y/n! Are you okay?!"

"I'm doing just fine" I say.

He picked me up.

"We have to tell payton about this."

"NO, he's not gonna care anyways." I roll my eyes.

He sighs.

"You wanna talk about it?"

I sigh and shrug, "I guess"

We walk out into the balcony.

We sit on the sun chairs beside each other and stare at the stars.

"Tell me about you" Noen started.

"Rant, let it all out" he softly added.

"I wanna be good enough. I wanna be happy. This shit happens constantly and I always pray to god just one good thing to happen to me and that's for none of you to find out. But I guess you're okay.." I sigh.

"Other reasons you constantly cry?"

"Payton's probably cheating on me.. my biological father was talking shit on Twitter about me.. he told me I wouldn't be successful.. that's okay though cause they're telling the truth!" I rant.

"No. they're not telling the truth. You're already successful! You have over 46 million! Y/n you are worth the world.. if Payton and that Caillou son of a bitch can't see that, then they're fucking blind. Yknow.. I see that you're hurt? I see that you put everyone else before you, you put everyone else's opinion before you put yours. I appreciate that. But you need to not give two fucks about what people think. I understand you wanna be what everyone else wants you to be, but you're only yourself, babes. You can't change you for the bitch who told you too. We'll still need you, y/n. Please understand that we all love you. Be they're blind to see that you're hurt."

"But what about Payton?! I'm not enough for him and that shit hurts my heart to even think about it because he has a pretty one he's crushing on. How can I not wanna change if my whole boyfriend is with a girl, probably fucking her right now? And it sucks because I'll still love him after that"

"that's where I come in. I saw you the first night we stayed here. We went out to a restaurant. You were supposed to sit next to Payton but he ran off with Alissa and left you to sit alone with Bryce and Josh.
I was gonna sit next to you but Abby said she wanted Starbucks so I went with her.. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Noen, everyone does that. I'm fine. I really don't need this talk. It's okay. I'm okay. I'm smiling so that means I'm okay. You can go and don't say anything about me. I don't give a fuck. It happens everyday, anyways"

He sighs and gets up.

"Let's go on a walk" he holds his hand up.

—

We were about to walk in the room.

"Payton, I like you" we hear from the hall beside us.

"I have a girlfriend, Lissa.." Payton says.

I look at Noen and frown.

He nods.

"So?"

"I love her, whachu mean, 'so?'?"

We hear a kiss sound.

"Alissa, that is disgusting!! I'm only hanging out with you cause I haven't seen you in an year. Jaden said that he noticed I didn't even acknowledge her and that she looked hurt. I'm just tryna go and hug her and tell her that it's gonna be alright bro, and you kiss me?!" Payton yells.

"Sorry" she whispers.

"Don't call me nor talk to me.. what am I gonna tell her?!" he sighs angrily and storms off.

Me and Noen hurry inside.

We make our way to the sun chairs on the balcony.

"See? He loves youu" Noen frowns.

"I see now.. but that's not stopping me from crying everyday, I-"

"You cry everyday?" We hear from behind us.

Noen gets up and walks out.

"Payton.."

"Why?" He asks, sadly.

"I'm annoying, baby.. I'm sorry I feel like you're cheating on me.." I look down.

He walks up to me and stands me up.

"Look at me" he demands.

I look at him.

"I love you with all my heart. You're my obsession, my depression, my happiness, my world, my everything! I swear to god that I would never hurt you like this again. Please don't cry anymore. I want you to be happy, baby.. it hurts my heart to know that I don't make you happy like you make me" he frowns.

"I'm just so sad all the time.. I'm sorry" I apologize.

He shakes his head and kisses me.

"I love you" he whispers and lays his head on my shoulder.

"I love you" I whisper back.

—

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