meant to be yours // heathers au // EDITING

eleven

JD's POV

I lifted Veronica up and carried her to the bathroom to wash the blood of our child off of her. Once I had her all cleaned up, I dressed her and put her into bed. I laid down beside her and began to cry myself. The last time I cried was when she broke up with me. Before that, it was my mother's funeral.

I hated crying because it doesn't get out emotion the same way killing does. But these tears were because I killed. Veronica begged me to not hurt the baby and I did. I kicked her in the stomach until she began to bleed.

It was reckless. Veronica could have easily hemorrhaged from the abortion I made her endure. I could have killed her. This was her breaking point and I hit it. I took away the one thing she was happy about. She might have acted as if she wasn't, but I knew that once those anxieties faded that she would be happy. Clearly, they faded faster than I expected.

I wondered how I could make it up to her and failed to come up with anything other than giving her a second chance. If I got her pregnant again, she'd forgive me. I was sure of it.

Until the next test came up positive and Veronica looked emotionless. I hadn't seen her smile since before the move to Utah and a pregnancy was what I expected to make that happen. It had been two months since I had seen her smile. She looked up at me with those dead eyes. "Are you going to kill this one too?" She asked, her voice lacking emotion.

"No, darling, I'm not. I'm so sorry that I let my anger get the best of me last time but it will not happen again." I promised her. This set off the waterworks that have been constantly flowing since she lost the first baby.

"How could you even do that?" She sobbed her question to me.

"I wasn't thinking. That night I thought of how to make it up to you and this is how I've done it." I told her, expecting her to forgive me.

"You're just gonna take this one too." Veronica whispered, chewing her lip as she spoke. She was afraid to say this. "You didn't ask what I wanted." She reminded me, clearly hurt that I had not mentioned this plan to her.

"I thought that this would make you happy!" I yelled, frustrated that she wouldn't just forgive me and say thank you.

"Yeah, bringing a baby into an abusive home will make me thrilled." She mumbled and I smacked her across the face. She looked up at me with those empty brown eyes, telling me without words that I had just proven her point.

"I do so much for you and you can't even see it." I shook my head as I spoke, annoyed with her beyond belief. "Just watch, you'll thank me soon." I insisted and again she used her eyes to communicate that she would not.

Veronica's POV

"I know you're depressed but everything is going to be okay. I'm going to be better." JD said as he wrapped his arms around me.

Like the fool I am, I believed him. I didn't have any comfort besides him. What kind of person wouldn't accept that comfort?

"Just please don't take this one." I begged him, putting my head onto his chest and breathing in. He always smelled like cigarettes and if I pretended hard enough, it was like we were somewhere else before the bombing.

"I won't, my love." JD told me, tilting my head up so he could look me in the eyes. "I promise you that I won't do that again." He added. I couldn't see any sign that he wasn't genuine about this.

For now at least, he really meant what he was saying.

"We have so much to figure out." I reminded him and he shook his head.

"I have a surprise for you." He told me, leading me out of the bathroom and down the hall to one of the rooms I wasn't allowed to go in. He opened the door and revealed the beginning stages of a nursery. It was barren, sort of like everything else in this house, but there was a bassinet and changing table already in the room. "See how serious I am about this?" He asked me and I started to cry again.

How can he go from smacking me for not being happy about this to showing off a nursery with sweetness? How does he so easily change his mood and tone with me?

"This is really sweet of you." I told him and he smiled at me. "Thank you." I added, knowing that he wanted to hear it. It's just what I was supposed to do, thank him for the most basic gestures of kindness. If I didn't, it sparks his nastiness.

"You're welcome." He replied, so goddamn proud of himself.

"Can you promise me something?" I asked him tentatively, worried that what I had in mind would anger him. Saying anything to JD was like flipping a coin, you never knew what reaction you'd get.

"For you? Anything." JD told me, his arm slipping around my waist as we still faced the nursery he had set up.

"Promise me that I can see a doctor." I spoke to him, needing to know if he would provide medical care for me and our baby. His face grew stony and I already had my answer.

"You know why I can't do that." He said. "I can't risk you running away again." He added.

"I won't do that." I told him. He shook his head and pulled his arm away from me.

"I'm not discussing this, Veronica." He informed me, telling me that we were done with this conversation. He didn't give me any clues of how to earn the privilege of seeing a doctor or ever going outside again. "Trust me, I'm going to do everything I can to help you." He added, kissing my head gently before leaving me alone in the nursery.

I listened as his footsteps went to the door at the end of the hallway, heard as he unlocked it with his key before he opened it. Within moments it closed and I heard the lock click again. Once again, he had left me trapped in this house.

Granted, it was better than the one room basement I had in Nevada. I could walk around and explore the rooms I was allowed to enter. Which included the bedroom, bathroom and now the nursery. JD had not given me access to the kitchen, unless he was in there too. And for some reason, the living room was absolutely off limits.

If I had to guess it would be because he had set it up like the upstairs of the previous house, putting that safe and those chemicals in there. It's where he kept the dangerous things. It was also the room with the closet that I had been locked in the first night here. When he felt like I had been bad, I was put in there like a child would be for timeout.

As I thought of that though, my hands fell to my stomach and I found myself speaking out loud. "I will never let him put you there." I told my unborn child. "And I won't ever let him hurt you like he hurts me." I added, so sure at that time that I could protect what was mine.