meant to be yours // heathers au // EDITING

seventeen

Veronica's POV

My parents didn't look the same as I remembered. Their hair was more grey than brown and they had a sadness in their eyes. Clearly thinking your daughter is dead takes its toll on your appearance.

They told me they looked for me, that they were positive I wasn't dead. I didn't believe them because I would have heard something. Someone would have found me, I wouldn't have had to risk my life to leave.

But reuniting with my parents for the first time in almost ten years caused all of us to cry. They smiled through their tears as they met their granddaughter, sobbing harder when I told them about Lydia.

I still felt like a teenager and had desperately wanted to go home for so long. Which is why my anxiety about it confused me. My mother had explained what was going to happen, that Violet and I would live with them for the foreseeable future.

"I can take care of Violet," I argued, thinking this was why I'd have to live at home when I'm twenty-seven.

"Veronica, sweetheart, that's not the issue." My mother sighed, pressing her hand to her face and trying to collect herself.

"Then what is?" I questioned as I zipped up Violet's coat. She whined as I did it, not liking the puffy material she'd never dealt with before.

"You spent a long time in captivity. The doctors say you need time to adjust, as does Violet." My mother explained in that flippant way she does, where she doesn't really explain anything.

"Captivity?" I asked her, annoyed by her choice of words.

"What would you call it?" She questioned back to me as I tried to tuck my short hair behind my ear.

"Home." I mumbled to myself, hoping my mother wouldn't hear me. But she did, which I could tell by the way she sucked in her breath tightly.

"You're not well, Veronica." My mother told me.

"What does that mean?" I asked, getting really frustrated with her.

"He convinced you that he loved you. But look at yourself, you're covered in bruises. Is that love?" My mother asked me facetiously.

"He did the best he could." I argued, puzzled as to why I was defending JD. I was repeating everything he had told me for so long.

"Did he?" My mother scoffed as she picked up Violet. "The car is waiting, Veronica. This discussion is over." She added.

"I can carry my daughter." I reminded my mother, who handed me Violet and instead picked up my bag. I felt bad for being protective of Violet, but it's what I was used to. She didn't know my parents, she only knew JD, Lydia and I. I was all she had left of her family.

I followed my mother to the car that was waiting, protecting Violet's eyes from the sun as I squinted. It was then that I got an preview of how I'd have to adjust to the world. If the fucking sun burned me, I couldn't live alone.

The car ride to the airport was quiet, except for Violet whining. She was carsick, probably because she'd never been in a vehicle until a few days ago and hated her car seat, trying desperately to unbuckle it as my father drove on the highway.

"Violet!" I shouted, frustrated that she wouldn't behave or even look at me. "You need to keep that on, it keeps you safe." I said, lowering my voice as her bottom lip trembled because I yelled at her.

"Breathe," My mother reminded me.

"She's not usually like this." I said, annoyed that Violet's behavior was changing as she adjusted to this big world she had never been in.

"She's just confused, Veronica." My mother added.

"Of course she is!" I laughed, frustrated with everyone in this moment.

It was too bright on the highway, all the cars around us were too loud. I wanted to go home. I wanted JD to take us home and protect us from the scary world. I missed him and hated myself for that.

"Relax." My mother tried to comfort me in a way that wasn't comforting.

"She knows three people. All she has is me and she doesn't understand where daddy and Lydia went!" I yelled at my mother as Violet went quiet, clearly used to this sort of noise. She had heard lots of yelling at home.

"You need to calm down." My mother told me.

"I need to go home!" I screamed at her, realizing I was behaving just like Violet was. I just as confused and scared as my baby was.

"We're taking you home." My father commented, not understanding what I meant.

"She doesn't mean Sherwood." My mother said bitterly.

"This was all just a big mistake." I insisted. "I need to go home."

"He's not there, Veronica." My mother informed me.

"He will be once he gets out!" I yelled, sure that Bud would post JD's bail and that he'd get a good lawyer. That I would see him again.

"Gets out?" My mother questioned, before laughing shortly. "He is never going to get out. He killed hundreds of children." She told me.

"Well I did it too!" I argued.

"That's what he wants you to think." My mother replied.

"Just take me the fuck home!" I shouted at my father, who was still on his way towards the airport. He ignored me and continued driving.

"Stop it." My mother warned me, like she did when I was a child and misbehaving. I didn't want to be their child, I wanted to be my own person again.

"No! I want to go home, I want my boyfriend!" I cried at her, suddenly bursting into tears.

"He isn't your boyfriend." My mother argued with me. "He was your captor and your abuser." She added.

"He loves me!" I yelled at her. "He loves Violet, too. Both of us want to go home." I insisted.

"You don't always get what you want." My mother told me, something she had said to me many times before. I didn't say anything else, knowing that they would not be taking me home. I just cried for the rest of the car ride, still sniffling on the plane.

My head felt like it was being torn in half. I know JD is bad for me, that he's mean to me. He beat me, raped me and stripped every bit of independence I had. He killed our daughter. And yet I sat here wishing he was with me?

I miss him and it makes my head pound. The thought of never seeing him again, to know that I could be the reason he'll spend life in prison was killing me.