meant to be yours // heathers au // EDITING

twelve

Veronica's POV

During my pregnancy, JD had relaxed quite a bit. He had devoted the majority of his time to taking care of me. The rest of his free time went to studying books on pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. We often read these books together, speaking only to share what we found interesting.

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't nice to be doted on. Even if it was by him, it was still affection I greatly needed and appreciated. I love him when he's like this.

As the end of the nine months approached closer, JD and I devoted a lot of time to deciding names for the baby. We had no idea if it was a boy or a girl because I wasn't allowed to see a doctor so we picked names for each.

If we had a boy, we would name him James. JD wanted a name that started with a J so that if our son ever decided, he could have the same nickname as JD. The middle name for James was the same as JD's - Daniel. It was all we liked with the name James.

If the child was a girl, and I was praying it would be so I didn't have a JD Junior on my hands, we decided to name her Lydia. It was a play on literature, which JD and I both valued. Her middle name would be Paige, another book pun. I hoped that our child would be an avid reader like us and appreciate the name.

I felt in my heart that it was a girl, which was probably just from hoping it would be. I really didn't want a son, I was far too scared that they'd end up like JD. Especially if something ever happened to me, as it did JD's mother. She was good too but JD didn't turn out that way, even though he was getting better.

I had truly convinced myself that he was getting better. Partially because he was insisting it all the time. Despite the fact that he still wouldn't let me leave the house. He claimed that was for my safety and that I'd thank him someday. He hadn't put his hands on me very much, though he did slip up. He always apologized after, which is what made me believe he was getting better.

Until I went into labor and JD shocked me by informing me that he would not be taking me to the hospital. He told me that he would be delivering the baby himself, positive that he could do it. I doubted this and tried to gently remind him that he wasn't a doctor. He scoffed and told me to get in the children's pool he had purchased for me to give birth in. Supposedly because it would contain the mess and ease some of the pain. I did as I was told, lowering myself into the warm water as I tried to breathe through the pain I was in.

JD had taken the medical books he had read to heart as he acted more like a doctor than anything else during my labor. It was as if it was strictly business. He did not hold my hand or comfort me as much as I needed him to. When I tried to tell him this, he yelled at me which only caused me to cry harder. On top of being in the worst pain imaginable, I had my boyfriend screaming at me for wanting affection.

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, I was ready to push. This is when JD finally decided to give any sort of encouragement at all, telling me I was doing amazing and that I was almost done. After four pushes, the baby came out and JD smiled as he lifted the baby up out of the water.

"It's Lydia." He told me proudly, passing me our daughter as he clamped the umbilical cord with a barrette on both ends and cut it. I cried like a baby as I held her, sobbing to JD that she was beautiful, to which he agreed as he placed a towel on her to keep her warm. I don't remember delivering the placenta, I was too focused on Lydia to even think about anything else.

Lydia gave me strength from the moment I held her. I remember looking up at JD, who lifted Lydia out of my arms. I cried for her back.

"I have to clean her up, baby." He explained, continuing to clean Lydia before laying her down in the bassinet we'd put in our room. He left me in the pool for a few minutes before he came back with that rag.

"JD, please." I whined at him, begging him to not put me to sleep with that chemical again.

"You need stitches and I can't do them while you're screaming from pain. You'll wake Lydia up, too." He explained why he was trying to knock me out. "Just don't fight me, beautiful. I have to make sure you're not too hurt." He added, pressing the rag to my nose and mouth.

He held my arms down as I fought him, trying to hold my breath and stay awake for Lydia. I don't know why I was so afraid he'd hurt her. But eventually, I had to take in a breath and it was of that sweet smelling chemical.

Then I was asleep.

JD's POV

Veronica's body fell limp as the chloroform entered her lungs, allowing me to give her the stitches she needed to not bleed out.

I've given stitches before, mainly to myself when my father beat me up badly enough to require them. Despite being out of practice, I managed to do an okay job at Veronica's stitches.

I sighed as I sat aside the medical kit, knowing I now had to clean up Veronica while she was passed out. It's not like I had any other options but that didn't stop me from being annoyed about washing her up without being able to talk to her.

Once she was clean and dressed, I laid her in our bed and dragged the pool outside. I dumped all of the bloody water out into the grass, dropping the pool on top of it for good measure.

By the time I went back inside, Lydia was crying. It was a sound that made me want to stab myself in the head.

"What do you want?" I asked my newborn daughter, even though I knew she couldn't reply. "Are you hungry?" I questioned as I lifted her into my arms, taking her into the kitchen to prepare a bottle. I sat down in a chair and fed her. Lydia drank the entire thing and relaxed immensely, falling asleep in my arms.

My heart swelled at this. A baby can be so trusting, I thought. I promised myself that I would never break this little girl's trust. That I would be a better father than my own despite the voice in my head laughing at this.

Author's Note: Lydia was born on April 18th of 1991, due to being conceived four months after the bombing, which took place in March of 1990. Two months to the beginning of the story and then the first pregnancy. Lydia was conceived two months after JD forced Veronica to miscarry.