The Dangers Of The Damaged ✔︎

05 ↝ Beer On A Bitch

"I was told when I got older,
all my fears would shrink,
and now I'm insecure,
and I care what people think."
- Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots.

"Geia sou bampá," I greet, pressing my sleek iPhone to my ear.

"Agápi mou," My dad's accent flows into my ear, and a rush of warmth immediately takes over my body at his familiar fatherly tone. "I have missed you."

Growing up, my dad made sure to keep us in touch with our Greek roots, teaching us the culture and traditions, as well as speaking the language. Although Alec and I aren't fluent and don't speak Greek often, we use it often when we speak to our dad.

"Me too, pàppa. How's it going?" I ask, laying back down on my bed, relishing in the comfort of my duvet. It's nearing 7pm, and Nessa is out with Chloe and Kiara at Chloe's place, doing some assignment.

"It's alright, Alexandra. Alec wants to speak to you." My dad says, and I hear shuffling before I hear my brother Alec's voice greeting me.

"Alex!"

"Hey Alec," I hum. "I miss you."

"We miss you too. How's uni going so far?"

"Put me on speaker so I can talk to you and dad at once?" I ask, and Alec does so.

I talk to the two of them, explaining everything that's happened in the course of the past few weeks. As I explain, I realise that I've been coming out of my shell, slowly but surely, lowering the guard I've built around me so protectively that had kept me from being myself.

Before that night, I was the troublemaker. Everyone in my form knew my name, and I was a part of the 'popular' clique. I wore whatever I wanted to, whenever. I didn't sleep around, but I did have a fair share of casual flings and two relationships in the midst of those. I remained a virgin, because I never felt comfortable going farther than cheeky groping and kissing. My friends would have described me as outgoing, bubbly, the life of the party.

Until what happened to me completely tore me away from who I really was, dragged me down to rock bottom and beat my mental health up and down until I completely lost touch of who I was before it happened. I was a damaged hollow of a girl, with immense trust issues and a deep dented fear of the male species.

To realise that almost a year later, I'm slowly slipping back into my old shoes, the shoes I was in before my life took a dark turn, it's a relief.

I do still have my guard up to some extent, I still have my panic attacks and night terrors from time to time, and my anxiety spikes often. I still need my PTSD and anxiety pills to keep my head and thoughts at bay.

After years and years of juggling so many mental issues at once, I've somehow learned to adapt to it, to live with it, and most importantly, to hide it. But, I have overcome my intense trust issues, and started to slowly be comfortable again around boys. It took alot for me to get here to this point, and I'm glad.

And so is my dad and my brother, who sound very emotional and delighted through the phone after I finish telling them about my group of friends.

"We're so proud of you, agapiméni mou." My dad says, and I feel my heart squeeze. The three of us have been through a lot together.

"I love you both." I whisper, tears blurring my vision.

✢ ✢ ✢

"Alright guys, you are dismissed. Have a good day, and check your mails for the homework assignment." The professor dismisses us, and I gather my things and get to my feet, following the rest of the students down the stairs of the lecture hall and out the double doors.