SORE • l. ackerman ✓

𝐗𝐈𝐈𝐈 | 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐡

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ reader ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I stared at the phone in my hands, my finger hovering over the green call button. My vision was still cloudy from the tears pooling in my waterline.

I knew and understood everything that Levi said and knew that he was most likely having an episode of some sort, but it still hurt. One minute it felt like I knew him and the next he felt like a complete stranger, just like the night at the club. I figured Hanji would know what to do, but was unsure if she was still working.

1 0 : 1 9 PM

Me: hey Hanji, can I call?

Hanji: Give me 5 minutes I'm closing now

H a n j i  i s  o f f l i n e.

I felt tears roll down my cheek and reached up to wipe them instantly.

You aren't even dating him, you have no right to cry over him. This is what you get for getting attached to someone you just met.

I knew that I shouldn't have allowed him to kiss me in the first place when he told me that he was scared of his feelings. The more I tried to tell myself that it was just because of his trauma, the more I started to get angry at him for getting so personal when he knew he wasn't ready.

Hanji finally called and I tried my best to stop the tears but she heard my sobs almost instantly.

"What's up, _____?"

"Please come over," I whined. At first, I was going to tell her over the phone but I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it without breaking down.

"I need to stop by my house first and then I'll be right there," Her tone sounded serious, unlike any other time. I nodded before realizing that she couldn't see the movement.

"Thank you."

I took a shower while I waited for her to come, letting the hot water soothe my skin and wash away the anger. I couldn't get the feeling of his lips to go away, it seemed like they were permanently burned into mine. I could taste them, feel his lips melting and fusing into mine. I reached up to touch them and thought about how his hand cupped my cheek so tenderly in that moment. Though it had only been a few hours, it felt like it had been days since it happened.

When Hanji got to my house, I invited her in and made us both tea just as I had done for Levi the first time he came over. When we finally sat down on the couch, I began to explain everything. I took a deep breath and tried to block the tears from coming.

"We kissed." I said simply. Her face lit up with excitement and she smiled from ear to ear.

"How was it?" She shouted. I continued looking down at my lap, and when she noticed that I wasn't as happy as she was, she tilted her head to the side in confusion.

"Aren't you happy?" She asked. 

"He explained his trauma to me and told me that he liked me but that he was scared of his feelings. We feel the same way about each other. After he told me when and why he liked me, he kissed me and-" my voice started to shake.

"We just laid there feeling content in each other's company while he told me about his trauma and he held my hand gently like it would break if he touched it any harder. After we left the room, I lost him in the crowd and went to the kitchen. He texted me to meet him outside and... And I haven't heard him speak to me since he told me that he wanted to spend time alone with me." 

I covered my mouth with my sleeve and squeezed my eyes shut tight, the tears coming easier.

"That son of a bitch," She said angrily but quietly. "If he knew that he wasn't ready for all of this he shouldn't have done anything in the first place, you have every right to be upset."

"It's like his entire personality changed within the few minutes I was away from him,"

She fixed her glasses and sighed heavily.

"He's a very complicated person, ______. Given the things he went through, it's really hard for him to understand his own feelings. One minute, he might feel like he's ready to talk about it and the next he's beating himself up for not staying quiet. His emotions are hard to keep up with and that's why he chooses not to show them at all. He's scared of hurting people with his own feelings whether he'll admit to it or not."

She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"He'll come around. I'll make sure of it. Now, let's play some video games."

I wiped my eyes and smiled at her.

"Thank you," 

We played multiple games until I decided that I was too tired to keep my eyes open. 

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was taken by sleep and thrown into an endless pit of nonsensical dreams.

Edited