1982 | Remus Lupin

Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

The rain had disappeared.

It was a new day. Romy always told herself that there were days when she had to give in to the sadness around her. Times when she had to let herself go and simply have a day. A day to be sad, a day to cry. A day to let the depression that followed her engulf her, to take away her productivity...her motivation for one day.

She could wallow, and cry, and scream and not do a thing about it.

But the next day she had to try. She may be wearing a fake smile. It may be the hardest task to lift her head from her bed – especially when she was bad again. She called it bad again. Sometimes she relished in the feeling of the sun, to love ice cream in the park and truly feel some ounces of happiness for the rather ordinary life she lived.

But there were times...sometimes months and months of just sadness that she forced to the back of her mind. Of course, this was a simplified version of the truest ordeal. Depression was not just feeling a bit sad one day. Romy knew all too well the demons of depression.

When she would burst into screaming sobs in her kitchen all because she dropped her spoon. When she would spend her times sobbing in the bath, damp hair sticking to her neck and goosebumps overtaking her body but she just couldn't bring herself to move.

When bathing was far out the question and she would be three pounds lighter by the end of the week from lack of eating. The ugly and sad truth was that depression was something that never crossed Romy's mind. It wasn't particularly heard of from her or her peers.

Of course, as a muggleborn, she knew of it. The taboo and horrid subject of mental illness. She would hear her grandparents talk about their neighbour who had such a thing, "all in her bloody head!" she recalled her grandfather huff, "just cause she wants to sit and smoke all day doesn't mean she bloody well can!"

Such close-minded people. Her grandfather had everything laid out for him, his dinner on the table and everything is done for him returning from work. He never knew the pain she had gone through, and he never knew the pain his neighbour went through either.

Regardless of all that, it was a new day.

She was dressed. The bags under her eyes concealed under a thin layer of makeup that she kept for the days she needed to brighten herself up. Her hair now washed and tucked behind her ear and her old battered shoes on her feet.

The heavy wooden door that was falling apart scarped off her floor when she opened it, and she winced at the sound. Just outside the second door, she could hear the bustling city grow closer. With car horns in her ear and the shouts of pedestrians, perhaps she could engulf herself in it for as long as she needed to.

She believed she needed work once more, to enter her mind and take over her thoughts.

"Excuse me," Romy spoke in a gentle tone, trying not to startle the boy locking his door. He stood adorned in a denim jacket and converse much like her own, the curly black mop on his head something she already saw as familiar, "Sawyer, yeah?"

He turned, and he smiled brightly, "yes! Hello! I didn't catch your name."

"I'm Romy," she stretched out her hand and he grabbed it enthusiastically, shaking a welcoming hello, "I'm really sorry...for yesterday."

"Oh no...no, no, no!" he furiously shook his head and she wondered how anyone could possibly be so enthusiastic about anything, "we all have our days, I completely understand! Did you like the bread?"

"Oh yes!" Romy nodded, "it really was wonderful. I think that was the only good part of my day!"

He laughed, a loud laugh that travelled through the hallway of their apartment, and her hand dropped to her side when he let it go, "I'm glad. You see, my mother was a baker – oh she was a wonderful baker. She left me her recipes. I like to immerse myself in her legacy."

Romy smiled, "I like that. I'm sure she likes that you love to bake, too!"

"I suppose she would," Sawyer said. He never was a closed-book and he knew that himself. He always worried that he was oversharing right from the first moment he would meet someone new, but regardless, he blurted out, "she died...not too long ago. That's why I'm here."

"Oh..." Romy trailed off, "I'm so sorry."

"No need, I promise!" Sawyer smiled, "we moved fifteen years ago. She died five years ago, and I moved back to America with my father. I felt like it was never truly my home. They do and say things differently over there, so I came back here."

"I understand that," Romy mused, "to live in a different world. I sort of get that."

She liked him, he was kind.

"I better go!" he glanced again at the watch on his wrist just peeking out from under the denim jacket, "I need to get to work!"

"Me too, actually!" Romy laughed. Sawyer held the door open for her and just as she walked out she almost collided with an all too familiar face.

She stumbled past him ever so slightly, a smile widening on her lips at the sight of him. She hadn't seen him in a long time and at his legs sat the fluffy white dog named Moony.

"Remus!" Romy beamed, awkwardly side hugging him and instantly regretting it. She had no idea why she thought that was a good idea but the boy patted her back and she quickly straightened herself up.

Sawyer waved goodbye and bounded down the street, almost getting knocked over by a car when he ran to the other side of the road and she lifted her hand to wave, "what are you doing here?"

"I went by the café yesterday to see how you were." She noticed his face had tinged red, "they said you had called in sick. I didn't want to annoy you yesterday and well I don't have your telephone number so I thought I'd swing by today to see how you were."

She smiled, it was such a thoughtful thing to do, "I take it you brought Moony to cheer me up?"

"Oh yes, of course!" he laughed, "I figured you wouldn't be too happy to see me, so brought my dog as bait!"

"You know that's not true!" she smiled, "well, I'm okay. You could walk me to work though if you like?"

"Of course," Remus returned her smile, "who was that, then? A hot date?"

Romy laughed, "my new neighbour. He is lovely, he made me bread."

"He seems kind. I feel terrible for not saying hi." She could see the guilt spread across his face, and she merely shook her head.

"I'm sure you'll get another chance!"

"How are you feeling?" Remus broke the silence as they walked in the direction of the café. Their conversations were few and far between but neither of them minded the silence that followed them, sometimes it was nice to just walk together silently comfortably in the other's company.

She liked that she didn't have to force a conversation with Remus, things just felt natural with him.

"I'm okay. I wasn't truly sick, really. I just needed a day to...wallow, I suppose." Remus had never related to anything more. Sometimes he felt like he needed a lot more than one day, though, and forcing himself through it seemed like the hardest thing in the world.

Romy could agree with that.

The entrance of the café came into sight when they both rounded the corner, "I understand that. Completely."

Romy nodded and patted his arm with a sad smile for the both of them to share, and she said truthfully and with a lot of pain visible in her eyes, "I thought you would."