Learning to Heal

Chapter 10

It had been a week since he had caught her drinking and Cole was pleased to see that Juliette kept coming out to the barn everyday, and kept on top of her hygiene. She no longer looked exhausted, dirty and like she had been cooped up inside for weeks, but instead had a glow to her skin, and when she was dirty it was from hard work. She was sarcastic, avoided everyone and every horse in the barn and was down right rude to Cole most days, but he found himself not caring as long as she kept up working. He knew first hand that working was better than letting oneself wallow in grief because working had been his life line every time his mother went on a bender, when Tate had completely disappeared off the end of the earth and now again when the only thing he was truly passionate about had been ripped away.

"Hey Cole can I talk to you a minute?" Cole jolted from where he was standing, absently patting Trigger's neck and staring at Juliette as she mucked stalls with a fury. Mark was standing just outside the stall door, and Cole cursed himself for letting his mind wander on the job.

"Sure. I've got to exercise this big guy. Do you have time to ride along?" He questioned and Mark nodded.

"Juliette grab Trigger's and Cisco's tack will you? Then go see if Dad needs help with the cows in the west pasture." Mark called and Cole watched as her head jerked up. The look she sent her brother was so full of fury that Cole had to bite back a chuckle. He couldn't help but enjoy the spark in her eyes every time she was mad.

"I am not your slave." She spit at him, and went back to her work.

"Well it ain't our fault that Cole has to do your job and exercise your horse. Least you could do was help him out." Mark called over to her, while heading towards the tack room. Cole watched as her back stiffened for a moment and when she turned, the anger in her eyes couldn't quite mask the pain.

"Whatever." She threw her pitchfork down and followed her brother towards the tack room. Minutes later she came hauling Trigger's tack back down the barn aisle and dropped it in a heap in front of his stall. "Don't look at me like that." She hissed at Cole and he simply raised his eyebrows.

"Like what ma'am?"

"With pity, with disgust that I can't even take care of my own horse. And I thought I told you not to call me ma'am. I feel like you are mocking me." With that she turned and stomped back to the stall she had been working on without so much as a backwards glance at the shocked Cole. Once the two horses were tacked up, the two men rode out of the yard and headed towards the east pasture.

"Might as well check the fence line over here since we will be movin them here tomorrow." Cole had mentioned and Mark had nodded and followed him. It was silent for a long while before Mark spoke up.

"There's just been some things weighin heavy on my mind."

"Spit them out then." Was all Cole said as he let his body relax to the swaying motion of the horse. Trigger was a gorgeous blue roan horse and moved like a dream. Cole didn't understand why Juliette would have nothing to do with the horse. Cole forced himself to look completely at ease, while inside his mind was spinning on what Mark wanted to discuss.

"Well, I guess I wanted to talk about Juliette. You see how she's a bit...." Mark trailed off and Cole let a smirk slide across his face.

"Standoffish? Angry? Downright rude sometimes?" He watched as Mark's face went red and he shook his head.

"Yeah. I guess you could say that. She ain't normally like that though, and I want to apologize for the way she acts sometimes."

"You don't have too. It don't really bother me." Cole assured him. Far from it, he thought to himself. He couldn't help but enjoy her anger even though he knew he shouldn't.

"Anyway, I'm leavin next week. I'm goin for a vet and I don't know how often I'll be back. I'm worried about Julie. She's had a rough go of it these past few months and she hasn't taken anything well."

"Mhm. I think she needs to learn that tragedy is bound to happen in life." Cole replied and Mark turned to look at him sharply.

"Do you know what happened?" Cole shook his head.

"Nope. And I ain't gonna ask either. I figure it's Juliette's story to tell if she ever wants too." He watched as relief crossed Mark's face.

"How'd you know there's been a tragedy then?" He asked, looking seriously at Cole. Cole snorted.

"You guys have obviously had a pretty easy life. I grew up without a dad, I basically took care of an alcoholic mother, I watched an accident rip my best friends life apart and cause him to try take his own life multiple times before disappearing for years. I lost the only thing I ever cared about." Cole said the last sentence quieter then the others, but he knew Mark had heard him. "I guess you could say my life ain't been all sunshine and roses." He grinned shakily.

"Sorry man. I didn't know." Mark looked embarrassed, but Cole shrugged.

"Didn't want you too. I'm fine, I'm just lettin you know that I understand tragedy. I get Juliette more than you think I do. I also understand that somethin that wouldn't effect someone as much will just about kill another person." It was silent for a long while before Mark spoke again.

"Look after her for me okay? She needs someone. She needs to start lettin people in again, but I don't know how to do that. I don't even recognize her anymore. The last 5 or so months have molded her into a completely new person."

"I'll make sure she doesn't do somethin stupid, but I can't promise anythin else. But don't worry. Sometimes becomin someone new ain't a bad thing." He tried to reassure Mark but the other man shook his head.

"Trust me. With her it is."

*****

Juliette watched as her brother and Cole rode into the yard together. They were laughing at something Cole had said and suddenly she felt a pang of loneliness fill her. She missed laughing. She missed riding with friends. She missed having someone to talk too. And most of all she missed Alexis. She missed her so much it almost choked her. She realized with a jolt that she also missed riding Trigger. Watching him move so smoothly under Cole, reminded her of what it felt like to burst from the chute and follow the calf, how effortlessly they worked together. Trigger had been her best friend other than Alexis but she felt as if both of them had been stolen away from her.

"You've got a good horse." Cole said, swinging off right beside her. She glared at him but for some reason couldn't get it as ferocious as she wanted it too.

"I haven't got anything." She said turning her back to him. She felt Trigger reach out and nuzzle her hand and she jerked away as if she had been burned.

"He misses you Juliette. Horses know their people and they don't forget." Cole's mouth was right beside her ear and she felt a shiver go down her spine at the feeling of his warm breath. Something seemed to break inside of her at his soft tone and his words and she shrugged her shoulder hard and then elbowed him, trying to push him back.

"Stop tryin to guilt trip me. It won't work and I hate you for it." Her voice came out thick with the tears she was holding back and without another word, she turned and headed into the house, locked herself up in her bedroom and let herself cry again for all that she had lost.