Learning to Heal

Chapter 8

Cole hadn't seen Juliette since she had came out to the barn to yell at him two days ago. Her attitude confused him, but he kept it too himself, guessing that she had demons she was trying to deal with just like the rest of them. It was a hot day and he felt sweat trickling down his back as he pounded posts into the ground with a t-post driver. It was hard, repetitive work and he noticed that every time he brought the driver down hard on the fence post, it seemed to ring in his skull too. 

"Dad you don't get it. You've got to do something with her. She's slowly wasting away up in that room of hers and Mom isn't making it any better. How can I leave my sister like that?" Cole paused from driving the fence post in and looked in the direction of his boss. Mark and Ben were coming up the fence line, each holding a roll of barbed wire, letting the wire unroll onto the ground. 

"No, I do get it Mark. I get it all too much. But your mother's looks ain't the only thing Julie got from her. She's got a stubborn streak about a mile wide." From where Cole stood watching, Ben looked exhausted and about 10 years older than what he actually was. He wondered what had happened to pull this family apart, and found himself thinking about Tate's family and the trials they went through after Jake's accident. 

"But Dad she's mourning. Can't you break through to her and make her see that life is alright again? It ain't natural for someone to cut everything they once loved out of their life." This remark was met with silence and Mark huffed, then looked up to see Cole watching. 

"Sorry. Didn't mean to overhear your conversation." Cole muttered and then picked up the driver again and moved onto the next post. His brain now rung with each pound and a dull ache had started as he pondered over what he had overheard. Julie was stubborn, she was mourning, and apparently she was giving up everything she had once loved. It sounded too much like someone else knew and Cole knew he couldn't resist trying to make this girl better. He was a fixer and he could never come across something or someone who was broken without trying to meddle with it and get it working right again. Besides there was something about the way her eyes flashed when she was arguing with him that he didn't think he could ever get enough of. After several hours of hard work, Cole was let off and he headed towards the small guesthouse that he was staying in. Once there, he took a quick shower and laid down on his bed, squeezing his eyes shut against the pain ringing in his skull. He was just drifting off for a nap when his phone rang, startling him out of his half sleep.

"Hello?" He murmured, half awake, wishing whoever had called hadn't bothered.

"Hey Cole! What's up man? You used to be the one who called me every couple days. Now I have to hunt you down." Tate's voice echoed down the line and Cole smiled a little. He liked talking to his best friend, and admittedly hadn't reached out to him for a while. 

"Yeah. Well I got a new job, workin at a ranch."

"Nice! Is it close to home?" Cole remembered the way Tate had comforted him that being off the rodeo circuit meant he could be home with his mother more often and felt a pang of guilt and anger wash up inside of him.

"About a three hour drive." Was all he replied with. The other end of the phone was silent for a long while but when Tate spoke again it wasn't about Cole's job. He started talking about how Megan was a week overdue, how nervous he was, and what their plans were to do after the baby was born. Cole read enough into the silence to know that his friend was disappointed in him and that stung him  a bit. 

"So how is Raylynn doin?" Cole cursed Tate in his mind for asking the worst questions but responded honestly.

"I'm not sure. I think we are over." Silence echoed down the line even longer this time before Tate spoke.

"She was a good girl Cole. Are you sure you're alright?" 

"Just fine. Needed a little change of scenery is all and Raylynn didn't like that." 

"Well I hope you didn't make a mistake. I actually liked that girl and that's more to be said than any of the other ones you've chosen." They fell to talking about other things, but Cole felt resentment building up inside of him. Tate had no right to subtly accuse him of making the wrong decisions, especially not after what he had done in his life. Soon they hung up and Cole couldn't get the words that Tate had said out of his mind. Had he made a mistake leaving Raylynn? Somehow his thoughts turned to Juliette and he wondered if Tate would like her. He shook his head. He had only seen the girl two times, she was younger than him, and she was more prickly than a cactus. Tate would just tell him he was walking into trouble. With a sigh, Cole turned over on the bed and went back to trying to fall asleep.

*****

Over the past few days, Juliette had sat in her room stewing over Cole's last words. 

"I think your horse misses you." He had said, sounding so superior. The truth was was that Julie missed Trigger, almost as much as Alexis, but somehow she couldn't go out to see the horse. He would simply remind her of all she had lost. Her best friend, rodeo, roping. She couldn't face that reminder again. She stared at the wall and found her thoughts turning to Alexis. She knew that Alexis would've hated seeing her like this. She had always been bubbly and upbeat and would tell Juliette to quit sulking if she was having a quiet day. Suddenly something welled up inside Julie and she pulled out her phone. Dialing a number she knew well she waited for an answer.

"Hello?" Came a groggy voice over the line and she couldn't help the smile that crossed her face.

"Hunter. Come over right now." She demanded and went to hang up but his words stopped her.

"Jeez Juliette! It's like one in the morning. Why do you want me comin over there for?" She frowned. Their relationship had no questions. Whatever one asked, the other did. They had dated off and on, but had broken up for good almost two years ago. They had continued to be close friends after that and sometimes, friends with benefits. No strings attached had worked just fine with them. Julie had put a stop to that a year ago when she learned Alexis had feelings for Hunter. 

"You never complained before." She said, wondering why he was even taking the time to hesitate. She heard him swear softly and the sound of covers rustling.

"We ain't doin that anymore Julie. I'm sorry but if you want to talk fine. Anything else I ain't willin to do with you. You've got to stop pushing people away and you've got to open up about Alexis and how her death is bothering you. Don't turn to things you'll regret in the morning." His words cut deep and she sat there trying to breathe deep again. It was then that she realized that Hunter had never told her no before.

"Whatever. Maybe I'll go see if the hot new ranch hand can help." She snapped and she heard him sigh.

"If you're tryin to make me jealous it won't work Juliette. We broke up a long time ago and I don't love you like that anymore. I love you like a friend, maybe a sister but not as a girlfriend okay? So I guess I can't tell you not to go to that hot new ranch hand that you're talkin about, because frankly I don't care what you do with him. What I do care about is you and how you are dealin with your pain." His voice was soft, and caring but it still made her want to punch him.

"Sure. A lot of help you were." She went to hang up but just before she did she heard him mutter something that stopped her heart.

"I don't think Alexis would even recognize you anymore Juliette." She punched the hang up button violently and tried to breath. Suddenly everything was filled with pain. Everything hurt. She felt a mix of anger, pain, bitterness, and sadness so deep so couldn't even breathe. Without stopping to think she flung her door open, and stormed downstairs. She needed something to take this feeling away and get her back to being numb as soon as possible. Despite what she said to Hunter, she knew she would never sleep with the ranch hand. Sleeping with random guys had never been in her guide to being perfect, hers or her mothers and she wouldn't stoop to it now. Instead she headed straight to the liquor cupboard, grabbing the whiskey and retreating back to her room to literally drown her pain with alcohol.