We are rushed almost immediately to our rooms, the teachers ensuring their council throughout the night in the great hall should we need it, but the weight of the loss just experienced has many students fleeing to their rooms.
My tears are mostly dried up from watching my close friend lie motionless like that, and I climb into bed as quickly as possible. I close my eyes and try to restlessly sleep, but after an hour when nothing comes, I decide I need some air to even begin to process what just happened, and ignoring it isn't going to help, either. A student just died at Hogwarts. My friend just died at Hogwarts.
I walk to my dresser and pull on my Slytherin pullover and a pair of slippers. My light blue, flannel pyjama pants look ghastly paired with my dark green jumper, but I can't be bothered changing them.
In the common room, students sit huddled together by the fire and on the couches, some sniffling and others rubbing shoulders and speaking comforting words over each other. I avoid their gazes as I rush into the hallway, crossing my arms over my chest, walking swiftly down the halls and into the north stairwell which I know from past nights is never guarded at night, permitting my midnight breaks and moments of solitude. I run down the stairs, around and around in circles, feet paddling softly in my slippers until I reach the door. To my surprise, it stands already open, so I step out, looking both ways before I emerge into the courtyard. The coast is clear.
I trudge gently down the stone ground, feeling the weight under my feet. As I walk down the path, I shiver again in the Summer wind, wrapping my arms tighter around my hollow self.
I don't, in truth, know how to feel concerning tonight's events. For one, I am absolutely devastated to have lost a friend, grief already clings to me like nothing else and I can't keep our humorous exchanges in Divination over tea leaves and pencil sharpening's off my mind. I retell myself every joke he has ever told me and remember the way his eyes crinkled slightly when he smiles, poking his tongue out at me across rooms.
While we never had anything sexual, not that I did with anyone, but perhaps two a year ago, Cedric was a dear friend to me, warm and comforting. He guided me through the taunts and ugly glances from other students when the other boys started telling their "stories" about me.
We weren't totally open about our friendship and I never knew why. I know he wasn't ever embarrassed to be seen with me, or let my romantic interests skew his image of me. A true friend. A true Hufflepuff.
However, the other part plays on my mind and puts a deep fear in my heart: Voldemort is back, and who knows when or what he will bring. I don't have the capacity to process that part just yet.
I find myself at the bridge, walking down slowly as the wind whips through the open sides. I brush the hair falling from my loose ponytail out of my face when I think I might see another figure standing on the bridge.
I step closer, taking in their stance and clear turmoil as they grip the railing of the bridge, head bent over in what I interpreted as emotion. In the moonlight, his hair appeals white and harsher than in the blond sunlight. I freeze in place but am not unnoticed.
"Why are you out here?" Draco asks me without looking at me, eyes lifting from the stone ledge to look out at the blackened horizon.
"This is my spot," I respond.
"Well I apologise for intruding on such a beautiful night. Nice pyjamas, by the way." I wince at his sarcasm, but I stop as his eyes meet mine, somehow darker and evidently upset. Draco, in pain?
"Well," he says after a while. "Not quite the ending we expected was it?" he attempts to be light.
"You don't have to be so casual about it." He instantly notices my vulnerability and shift to face me, leaning against the column.
"I didn't mean it like that, Good. I honestly can't believe it happened."
"Oh please, you wanted a dramatic demise anyway possible, especially for Harry! Because that's who you are, okay? That's what you do. You have your enemies and even the people in your way are disposable. How dare you act like you're in pain over this?" Draco steps backward at my emotional outburst, letting me breathe.
"Don't try talking to me about 'disposable', you're the queen of it, your Majesty," he insults me. I take a sharp breath in.
"Draco, my romantic life is none of your concern and I'll have you know I would never use anyone as something, let alone disposable. And I can't believe you would have the audacity to try to hurt me like this when I have so much else to mourn right now!" I don't even realise the hot tears rolling down my cheeks until one hit my exposed wrist, still crossed defensively over my chest.
Suddenly, Draco is pulling me into himself. I cover my face with my hands, not bothering about my glasses which fog in the dampness. One arm is tight around my back, holding me as the other strokes my hair. His chin rests on my head and before I can stop myself, I am heaving heavy sobs into his chest, the black suit absorbing my tears.
My shoulders shake violently. I thought I had cried enough already, but in this close embrace, I can't help my emotions from pouring out, and there's no way I could even try to contain them now, even before Draco Malfoy. I am at a point of hysteria, dangerously angry at him, heart aching for Cedric and an overall fear of what is to come.
He loosens me gently after a while and moves to lean against the wall, letting me cry. I press into him until he reaches between us to pull my chin up to meet his eyes. My glasses are fogged up terribly and I can't quite make him out looking at me. He lifts them to sit on the top of my hair and I see his eyes search mine, a beautiful grey and blue mix I had never cared to notice before.
"I'm sorry," he whispers almost silently, looking deeply into my eyes.
By now, the wind has almost disappeared completely, and my breath has, too. I am in utter awe of his desperate gaze, his attempt to calm me and even apologise.
Draco Malfoy.
We break apart and I nod slightly, accepting his apology due to his sincerity. We walk back through the courtyard and up the unlocked stairs, back to the common room in an agreed silence. Once we find ourselves there, most of the students have gone to bed by now – I didn't realise how late it is.
Draco stops by the entrance to his dorm, looking across the floor at me for a moment. He turns the handle and closes the door, leaving me alone in the common room.
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Just thought I'd let you guys know that I'm completely done writing this book and will be uploading between 1-2 chapters a day <3
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Want To Be (d.m.)
Fanfiction"I couldn't tell you what it is, and I couldn't even begin to try and explain it, but there's something that's changed in me since you, that makes me want to be different. That makes me feel different and makes me feel like I want things I never hav...
