Want To Be (d.m.)

nine

After my last classes for the day I return to the library to finish the notes I couldn't in Potions. I breeze my way through most of the questions in the textbook before I come to a few which require the opinion of both partners. I would have no clue where to find Draco at this time of the day, I don't usually spend much time around him or his friends when classes are over. Regardless, I really want to be done with this assignment before today so I can continue with other work, so I find myself heading down the corridors, looking for him. As I walk down towards Slytherin, I turn a corner to stumble straight into Dean Thomas, a Gryffindor, and a chaser on the quidditch team. I blush as we make eye contact.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," he mumbles, quick to push past me and carry on, clearly still awkward about our brief relations two terms ago.

I feel bad as I look over my shoulder, to see him walking quickly away. He was one of the sweetest and kindest of the few boys in my list of hooks ups from the past two years and didn't deserve my brutal honesty when I told him we weren't much more than that.

While it was people's opinions that I was completely and utterly of a whoreish nature, I knew this wasn't true. It had never been like that, sexual I mean, in any nature, aside for two experiences last year, nothing to the extent that the boys who I had let kiss me were leading people to believe. It was common belief that I was doing those things though, leading to the understanding that I was easy, causing me to lose all potential friendships and become isolated in a way I had never experienced. It felt like every time I tried to build a friendship; I would be stunned by the sudden eagerness of the boys who desired more. It upset me, but I sort of understood. Besides, it's not like there was never anything in it for me, I did enjoy their company and I liked to be kissed.

As I wander closer towards Slytherin, I become suddenly aware of my potential closeness to Draco and catch myself preparing what to say to him. Why did I need to prepare again? I roll my eyes at myself.

I couldn't tell why I had a sudden physical response to him. I had no interest in pursuing a friendship and we had barely spoken until this year at the Yule Ball, on the bridge, and in the library.

But somehow, I am drawn to him. I can't seem to forget his eyes watching me make our potions and how he held me so close and knew to stroke my hair when I broke down, the fact that he happened to be there, even. I can't seem to forget how hearing his rough breathing pattern when he got so close to me in the library and in the common room made my palms sweat and hearing him say my name, both first and last, caused my stomach to drop into my toes. There was something becoming increasingly attractive about him, which terrified me. I couldn't possibly like him could I? He had been so cruel to me in the past about my history and reputation that I hadn't even thought to the idea of it but, as I analysed the signs, it was becoming increasingly obvious.

I feel childish and stupid but somehow giddy as I approach the entry to the common room, nervous to see him. As I begin descending the steps, I hear the light sounds of his laugh float from above and I look through the banister bars a few steps down to see if I can see him below.

Suddenly I do, and I wish I didn't.

There he stands with his hands around Pansy Parkinson's waist while hers wrap around his shoulders, the pair talking softly. She pulls him into a close embrace, and I gasp softly.

Their eyes turn to look at me directly because of my noise as I watch through the banister and I panic, running as fast as I can back up the stairs.

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Ooo boy here we GO <33