What He Left Behind

Twenty Three

"What do you think of Rena?" I ask Charlie as we sit in my room later that night, our voices hushed so as not to wake up my mom. Thankfully dad's on yet another one of his many business trips.

"I think she's hot."

"You think everyone's hot."

"Except you...you're just annoying."

I stretch my legs out and pull the blanket over them. Charlie, who is lying next to me on his stomach shifts so that his head is resting in my lap. I run my fingers through his silky hair and play with it softly, just as an excuse to touch him. I feel a strange sense of calm. Despite today's bomb shell, my mind is strangely at peace. I'm feeling hopeful.

"Seriously Charlie, what do you think?"

"She seems nice," he decides, "She's pretty gutsy to come here on her own and tell you that. It must have been emotional for her, but she held it together really well."

"Yeah definitely, I don't know how the hell she's raising a child all on her own."

"God knows. She's done well for herself hasn't she? Getting herself clean and building a whole new life for her and the kid."

"I know. That's incredible. I can imagine her to be a really good mom, like I bet she dotes on Jacob."

"Of course. I guess if Jacob's the only part of Austin she has left, she's going to do everything she can to give him the best life possible."

"I've never really thought of it like that."

"Maybe you haven't lost Austin completely after all."

I smile a genuine smile because I suddenly see how great this is. My brother may be gone but now there's Jacob. And there's Rena – Rena who it's clear to see loved Austin as much as I did, who talks about him openly, who isn't pretending like he never existed. I was so scared that I'd forget Austin one day, but now it's okay because I'm not the only person that's missing him. I'm not the only person that cared about him. That thought alone is enough to take away half the longing, I swear.

"You're sending me to sleep," Charlie mumbles, a lazy smile lighting up his face.

"Sorry," I say, quickly untangling my fingers from his hair.

"No, don't stop," he whines, "It's relaxing." I grin and continue playing with his hair. "What are you going to do now? About Rena?" he asks.

"I want to see her again. I want to meet Jacob."

"Call her then."

"I will in the morning." Charlie's phone buzzes and we both instinctively look down at it to see a message from someone named Cassie.

"Who's Cassie?" I ask curiously.

"You're so nosy," Charlie retorts, "She comes into Mason's uncle's place a lot. She likes the band. We have a drink sometimes."

"Have you hooked up?"

"Not yet," Charlie muses, the usual mischievous glint in his eyes. I cringe, feeling that increasingly familiar sense of jealousy in the pit of my stomach; I mentally scold myself for asking.

"And you're sure that she actually wants to sleep with you?" I challenge, apparently not having learned my lesson For some reason my dumb ass can't help but ask these stupid questions, even though I'm sure I won't like the answer.

"Doesn't everyone?" he asks teasingly, despite the pair of us know there's an annoying amount of truth to it.

"Yeah, what is it that makes all the girls jump into bed with you?" I ask, suddenly intrigued. There's no arguing that Charlie's good looking. Everything about him from the way he holds himself to the way he speaks is attractive. He's mysterious and puzzling too, which I know is endearing to a lot of people, evidently me included, but I've never seen girls flock to anyone quite like they do to him.