What He Left Behind

Thirty

The next day is Christmas Day. Jacob may be too young to know what Christmas is, but I swear the kid senses something's going on. He wakes up an hour earlier than usual and refuses to settle again, but I don't mind. I'm like a little kid at Christmas so I'm more than happy to get him ready for the day. Rena's arranged for the three of us to go to the hostel where she used to live, which I think is nice. We stopped at the store yesterday to buy some food for a roast dinner. She said that she wants to pay Julie and everyone at the hostel back for how much they've helped her. She knows she wouldn't be where she is without them.

That's one of the many things I love about Rena. She remembers who helped her when she was alone. She gives credit where credit is due.

"Does Julie spend a lot of time with Jacob?" I ask as we drive across town to where the hostel is.

"Not so much anymore," Rena answers, "It's difficult because she's busy running the hostel obviously and as you well know, dealing with addicts is a full time job, and I'm busy too. When I was still living in the hostel she spent a lot of time with him, but since I moved out, it's only every month or so. Anyway, enough about me, you still need to tell me about last night."

"I told you already," I say, shrugging, "It was good."

"I was hoping for a little more detail," she presses. I laugh girlishly and cover my face, instantly giving the game away. It's a good thing I wasn't trying to keep anything a secret from her because if so, it would be a thoroughly failed mission.

"Rena, he kissed me," I admit, in almost a whisper. Rena grins knowingly.

"You knew, didn't you?" I gasp.

"I thought I saw out of the window," she confesses, "But I looked away because I didn't want to pry, so I wasn't sure."

"Rena!"

"I'm sorry but if you let your boyfriend kiss you right outside of my house, you can't expect me not to notice."

"He's not my boyfriend!" I cry, acting so defensive it's embarrassing.

"So you kiss all your friends, do you?" she counters.

"No, but Charlie kisses pretty much every girl he comes into contact with."

"Not like that though. The way he kissed you is the way people kiss in the movies," she sighs dreamily, "Is he a good kisser?"

"I guess," I say, shrugging it off like the kiss didn't make my stomach do somersaults. "It's not like I have anything to compare him to."

"Hmm...he looked like a good kisser."

"I thought you looked away!" I exclaim. She grins guiltily and shrugs. My head is still spinning from Charlie's unexpected brain fuck. The logical part of my brain insists that Charlie wouldn't drive all this way, take me out to dinner, and then seal the evening with a kiss, if he didn't have some sort of feelings for me. But since the asshole left without offering any explanation, I'm once again left to wonder about the peculiar inner workings of Charlie Hemmingway's nonsensical brain.

Last night did clarify one thing for me though. Getting a glimpse of what life would be like dating Charlie made me more certain that a relationship is what I want. Despite the exterior he puts on, he's actual very sweet and thoughtful, and it would seem, quite a romantic. I've always been attracted to him, even when I wanted to knock his lights out on the daily, but there's something so strong between us now. Everything is intensified and I can't quite articulate how strongly I feel about him.

"So where are you guys at now?"

"I don't know..." I say awkwardly, "I guess this does mean something."