RETROGRADE; minsung ✓

❯ 𝟸𝟻

i tried to stop myself from visiting the company building's glass roof after i almost tried killing myself but i just couldn't help it, it was my comfort place. luckily that night i didn't seem alone, i saw hyunjin sitting beside one of the signal panels staring at the night sky deep in thought while hugging his knees. i felt sad seeing him like that, it's like seeing a reflection of myself from two years ago, thinking about it, i was hyunjin's age when that happened as well.

"what's with the sad face?"
i softly asked the younger with a smile, he looked at me with sad puppy eyes, lips pouting as i sat beside him.
"seungmin still mad at you?"
i asked and he nodded his head before he inhaled and let out a long and ventful rant to which i listened to while smiling a little, back then, i never had the courage to vent out what i felt. and like hyunjin, deep inside, i needed someone to listen to me, someone to understand.

"i understand how you feel...."
i started with a quiet voice after our long conversation, sensing him hugging himself even more.
"but you two are different than me and jisung...."
i knew that. their relationship might've been conflicted but it wasn't like me and jisung's as i thought at first. seungmin and hyunjin couldn't take it when they aren't with each other but refused to accept it, while jisung and i couldn't take being together but refused to accept not being in each other's presence.

hyunjin looked at me confused.
"from what i see hyung, it's not too different."

"yeah..."
i agreed.
"you two want to be together and couldn't take being apart like us, just by being apart makes your situation worse. from what it seems, you two are just scared to make the same mistake again, you two are scared to hurt each other again so you chose to be more distant than what you already were."
hyunjin blurted out, snapping me from my thoughts making me look at him in a bit of shock.
"still, don't you ever think about giving it another shot?"
he asked innocently and i stared at him.

"hyunjin.... i....."
i faltered and inhaled.
"i'm scared."
i sighed and he snapped his fingers.
"bingo! took you that long to realize hyung?"

"no, it just took me this long to admit it."
he laughed at me a little annoyingly and we both looked up at the night sky.
"the next week... at our mission.... when all of this is over.... i hope both of us can return to our lovers."
he said and i smiled at him but a tugging feeling in my gut kept me from the happy thought, as if something was going to be wrong. it didn't matter that much so i set the feeling aside and ruffled the younger's hair, extending my hand out to him for us to go back to our apartments.

📟

"found you pretty boy!"
jennie kim had pulled me by the collar from behind the place i was hiding.
i groaned and struggled against her unlady like grasp.
"you're really REALLY getting into my nerves!"
jennie sneered and choked me till i was barely gasping for air.

she laughed like a lunatic and shoved my head on the heating metal of the jet, i could feel my head, back and neck burning continuously more but her grip didn't loosen up by any bit.
"agent lee know, stop playing innocent, you're just as bad as i am."
i glared sharply at her mentioning my past and tried to yell something out her but due to the inflicted pain i could only squeak out my words.
she kept laughing and wiggled my head to the jet who's heat was increasing.

i didn't want to give up yet even though my tears were already flowing.
i can feel my back and respiration in deep pain. shit, i have to make her let go of me.
i used the most of my strength to get off the grip she had on my feet and luckily i was able to kick her away.
i collapse on the ground coughing and gasping for air.