𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩 ᵈʳᵉᵃᵐˢᵐᵖ

𝖱𝗎𝗇 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖧𝗂𝗆

𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐨𝐧𝐞 || 𝖱𝗎𝗇 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖧𝗂𝗆

It feels like forever when I sit back up, still holding his body in my embrace.

It hurts, everything hurts, I hurt.

I sit with his body in my lap, stroking his hair as the tears fall down my face. He couldn't be dead. He can't be dead.

Sapnap feels cold, I feel no warmth in the body that used to hug away my monsters. No warmth in the fingers I'd lace through my own, holding tight as I watched the world pass by. No warmth in the blank eyes, the eyes that I could stare into and see everything I'd ever want. I hum over and over again, feeling like it's the only thing keeping me from breaking completely.

He can't be dead.

I feel something falling, and soon realize it's my hand. My hand falling through his collapsing frame. His chest fading off into the wind.

My eyes widen and I start to grab at the air, trying to keep him with me, trying to keep him here.

"Stop!" I yell at the sky, choking on my breath. "Please stop!" My throat burns. I taste the saltiness of my tears on my lips, like when I stood in the ocean. Everything was okay then, now my whole world was falling apart.

I grab and shout and cry and beg, but my hands aren't fast enough, my voice isn't loud enough, my cry isn't broken enough. I watched as the wind carried the one thing that kept me sane, kept me alive, the man I've grown to care about, away into the open dark sky. The moon lit up my face as I looked up to it, and I let out a gut wrenching scream.

The man I've grown to care about, is gone.

◈

I'm not sure when I do, but I stand on shaky legs, not caring about my fallen weapons. I start in a walk, stumbling over my feet, towards a path leading back up to the city. I start to think about everything that happened, not my choice.

~

"Vienna," I remember my voice clearly, I see my hand reaching out, but not meeting anything.

"Sapnap, but I'm guessing George told you that?"

~

Just remembering his voice, his name, makes me walk faster, moving my feet quickly while I try not to fall over, curl up and cry.

I passed the embassy, Tommy's old base, and saw the spot and Sapnap watched the stars together after sparing, before Tommy made it his home.

~

"That's the Little Dipper over there, and that bright star over there? That's Sirius." Sapnap says with a smile, gesturing around the dark sky that surrounds us, the torches were replaced by dimmed lanterns.