Arielle Reedsy Anthology

Black

**i listened to Life Story by Ólafur Arnalds and Nils Frahm while writing this

I learned to not let it control me.

I learned to ignore what I knew.

I thought if maybe I pretended each choice was my own that I might be surprised by the ending.

I wasn't.

But it was still nice to pretend.

I learned to go to others for help. To ask them their advice, even if I already knew how it would end.

I made friends, and I was happy.

Sure, I knew who I would be and the things I would do, but I didn't let it stop me.

I keep hoping to find someone like me: living a life they already lived in their mind. I never found anyone. And I knew I never would.

So I went on in my charade, playing poker faced to the consequences I watched others wield.

I wasn't sure when I learned the truth though, when I could look in the mirror without a warped facade.

It was this truth that shook me, left me crumpled on the floor, a paper doll to the world around me.

I gave in.

I let it control me.

After all, was there a part of me left? Was there even a part to begin with?

No, this truth was pure, not like the future the memories whispered into my ears.

Blinding.

Leading away.

I didn't have the truth.

And now, I do:

What is a future without a past? I ask you.

Nothing.

They are nothing.

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The end and happy birthday :)