it's the impact of the water standing up to my ankles,
it's the impact of the book you gave me a year ago today
it's the impact of the last three lines of my favorite poem, that seem to be stuck in my head
it's this constant state of anxiety
it's the fear of gaining and losing
and it's the impact of the hair on my arm getting stuck between the beads of a bracelet, but feeling like something entirely different
it's the danger of going back
it's the impact of sleeping 28 minutes every afternoon
and it's the impact of my 3⅓ closest friends
it's the fear of failure
its the impact that fucked me up this time
it's the impact of being worried
it's the wanting to leave
it's the impact of fucking starting may over and over again
it's the wanting to die
it's the giving up
it's may crashing my lungs, again
it's the unstable balance and not knowing where i stand just now
it's the repeating
it's the guilt
there's something eerie to these days,
something waiting just behind the corner,
of course, because it always is
i want it to take me down and break me in half this time
the shadows are breathing, but so am i, still
