Eros. (Benimaru Shinmon)

五十二☾

作者ちゃんからのメッセージ: Hi everyone, thanks for reading this story. I had to re-read the story and I decided to add some context to Inori's and Benimaru's background...so I am writing an extended chapter within the first two chapters...also I am working on a hidden 🍋 so be on the look out.And...sorry I haven't been updating but i finally started my sticker business and have been drawing a bit more lately.ありがとうございました,ムーナウラ

As much as my heart began to resurrect those feelings I had for Benimaru, mind, and soul was more determined to train with Akira and Ichijiro because they were my family.

Family, in the traditional sense, is made up of the people you're related to. The truth is, being related doesn't authorize what is considered to be a family. Biology can determine who you grow up beside, but it doesn't set anything in stone. Bloodline can be a factor, but it's not a determinant of what makes a family.

Family is unconditional love, genuine acceptance, and strengthening support. Family is who you want to share your wins with, and who cries beside you through the losses. Family is love without motive.

And because of that unconditional love I held for them, I had made the decision that day to bail on Benimaru and I didn't even call him to let him know I wasn't going to show up and that was because I did call him ... he would find some twisted way to make me come to him or even worst- find his way towards me which would make this piece of heaven for Akira, Ichijiro, and I -hell.

Interesting that the weather was showing my true feelings towards my decision to not show up to Asakusa. In fact, it was a definite rare occurrence for a storm to even be around these parts. This neighborhood was known for many things and the rain wasn't one of them. The heat would never leave, the residents here were just lucky that it snows in the winter during these parts.

With the heat and humidity, just standing still while the sun blazed its golden rays could have a person breaking out a sweat in seconds. It was the case for Akitaru when we were together. So much so that we invested in a central air unit.

  That being said, the rain was a total godsend. Thick, dull, grey clouds covered the sky and shine, the air was significantly cooler and there was a peaceful breeze that passed by every now and then. 

As late morning came about, various sizes of puddles littered in the small garden in front of our home. I walked out of the house and towards the garden. It was growing in this weather beautiful flowers. 

I soon diverted my direction from the flower towards the sky, as water poured down from the heaven above, letting the rain wash my face and soak me completely, my hair, my clothes, drenching me down to my bones. 

It was interesting how this brought back the time I had put a calm end to my best friend the day she turned infernal. 

The smell of this wet earth, the pitter-patter sound of rain striking the ground, and the feeling of a strong water drop hitting my skin. In some weird way, it was soothing. Walking among those drops is my meditation, a way to fully become present at the moment, a way to feel free...just as she felt during her last moments.

And that move of ending her life...was taught by my mother.

"This is...it feels like I'm being showered by a gentle rain."

My mind rolled back to the infernal as she was shocked at how peaceful and painless her death is and is even further surprised and touched by my stare at her, which had no malice, hate, or contempt. Instead, she saw nothing but pure kindness and mercy with a single tear rolling down my face as slowly disintegrates into black smoke weakly...maybe the warm feeling she felt was

 The same warm feeling I had felt when Benimaru comforted me...kissed me for the first time...the second time...third time...when he slept beside me...

The price of achieving this dream of putting an end to internalization was to put an end to my love and feelings for Benimaru. Sure the death of Akira's father was the precipice of having to make a choice...but within making that choice, I knew I had to give him up.

But I didn't think it came with the guilt.

I took a seat in front of my home with the raindrops drowning my sorrow. Looking up at the sky, it was nice to see the raindrops look like a thousand diamonds falling from the sky.

"I can't believe that I had a crush on him since childhood...played my feelings down after he attempted to put an end to my dreams, confessed my feelings to him...ran away from him after the great attack...only to see him after two years...and have those same feelings still."

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The gentle pats he gave me on my head to soothe my tears. His arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me close. 

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"It was nice to get to have that slight moment of intimacy...but..."

"I don't know why I am crying..."I mumbled..."Sacrifice for your dream but never sacrifice your dream...and to achieve my dreams...I have to give you up...Benimaru...to eliminate infernalization and erase all the fire from this world..."