Memories of the past

CHAPTER TWO

Delilah’s POV

“It’s not like I don’t want to its just that I don’t think I can do it” I say through clenched teeth .
“ Are you even hearing yourself right now, does any of that make any sense you , it’s not like you don’t want to its because you don’t think you can”, Jenna questions.
“Nope it doesn’t” , Scar replies.
“Ahhh ! I just aah! I don’t know you won’t understand”, I say experated. Derik has been bugging me about moving in with him but as much as that will be awesome I don’t think I want to. I’ve kept postponing the move in discussion but I think this time he is determined he won’t barge . He keeps saying that maybe I don’t love him that much to consider moving in with him but that’s not it I love him I just don’t think it’s the right time for the move in . Right now we’re at Jenna’s bed her and Scar are helping me figure this out.
“Talk to us then make us understand what’s the matter and maybe we will be able to have a solution by the end of it”. Jenna pleads.
I sigh and wonder where to begin.
“You see it’s not like I don’t want to move in with him I want to do so badly but…”
“What’s stopping you,” Scar interrupts my runt.
“ I just think it won’t work out and will only cause problems.”
“why won’t it work out look at me and Erik were doing fine and we were only dating for an year and three months when we moved in with each other while you and Derik are almost at a two year anniversary.” Scar question.
“ That’s the problem Derik is not Erik. And especially with the incoming finals I don’t think I’ll move in with him yet .”
“We are not saying that Derik is Erik we’re just giving an example of how moving in is exactly not a bad idea as you think.” Jenna counters back . Aaah! This is useless they’ll never understand.
“ Derik is very different from Erik ,not that am comparing them am just stating why I don’t like the idea of moving in with him. He is ever busy with his businesses you know that I don’t even know why he still keeps on registering for the classes. Even when we’re not living together I rarely see him and now to move in with him and experience his neglect first hand will be a tough blow on me . Him coming home late or not coming at all spending weekends alone just because he’s somewhere in a meeting . I don’t want that cause I don’t think I’ll have the guts to continue supporting him when I start feeling neglected. Right now while am at my own place I don’t get to experience it first hand as am alone and I don’t expect anyone to come in back. At his house I’ll be expecting him and disappointment will follow. It’s not like am complaining or anything infact I support him as much as I can in order for him to fulfill his goals and dreams especially since when he made them back then I was his friend and he shared everything with me . I’m better off not living with him this way there will be no disappointments when I prepare supper for two and he doesn’t show up. I don’t think I’ll be strong enough to endure that kind of life despite me loving him to the end and I cannot deal with that especially not with the finals coming up soon. Besides you know mom doesn’t like him that much she’s gonna blow up if I tell her that am moving in with him but that’s not what am afraid of it’s the former.”
I finally finish my ranting and I feel as if a certain amount of weight has been taken of my shoulders. It’s good to have friends to talk with because I don’t think I’ll be able to tell Derik this I wouldn’t want him thinking that am demanding too much from him.
“Maybe after the finals I can compromise but for now I’ll go nuts if I do and I might end up screwing the chances of passing the finals.” I say and the room falls into silence. I look at Scar and Jenna with pleading eyes for them to help me out with the solution. Because if I don’t he thinks I don’t love him .
I know I shouldn’t be considering this after he indirectly threatens me and manipulates me cause that’s what I think this is when he says I don’t love him enough cause he knows I do. But what can I do I love him . But I cannot compromise my exams especially not the finals and especially not with my mom constant reminder of how she has big dreams for me and my dad constant reminder that I should make sure I’ve not wasted his money.
And since I would want the same from my kids I don’t want to disappoint them not that I also want to disappoint Derik but this is my future. Well I think I’ve just found my answer even without the girls advice I guess I only needed some more ranting until I found my answer. Well I guess I found the answers I’ve been looking for. I just needed to come in terms with it and figure out things logically. I guess I needed that talk as my brains work much better. It’s like venturing all your anger out on a punching bag. Well that’s it. I found my solution hope it works.
“Look girls thanks for your listening and time and thanks to you I’ve found my answer.”
Scar looks at me as if I’ve gone ‘Coco’s’ but I just grin at her and rush out saying goodbye I’m going to see Derik . I just hope he is around.