This Is For You

thoughts//2

I am a doll
I am a doll that my thoughts will play with
They'll decide what its right or wrong to see
They'll make me blind if they want to
Or make me run away form what I fear
And what do I fear?
I don't know but they make it feel real that I believe it

I am a doll that my thoughts will play with
And how can I defeat them when they're bigger than me?
They're much bigger than me and I'm just a doll
They'll tell me what to do and where to go
Who's good and who's the devil that I should not trust
And what if I don't want that?
What if all I want it is to miss everything and go right whenever they tell me to go left?
What if all I want is to be wrong and miss everything up?
To be perfectually umperfect
But at least that is what I want
And someday I'll see it perfect again

I am a doll that my thoughts will play with
And I'll be another character if they want to
Or two all at once
I'll be the confident one who's full of doubts eating me up inside
And If they want me to be mean I'll be too
But then I'll say I didn't mean it because thats the truth
I just feel defeated sometimes and follow all what they say
They're bad, I know it
Someday Ill be big
As big as them
Or much bigger, I hope
And I'll put them down
And lock them in a cage
So they won't escape
And bury them under the voice of me saying
"I AM STRONGER THAN YOU"

-about feeling haunted by devil thoughts and not having control over my decisions-