Strawberry Season [Karushuu]

Chapter 4

(P.O.V : Akabane)

'Why did I even say such things-'
I thought on my way home.
-
Sadly, the weathers mood wasn't much better than mine and it begun to rain.
When I arrived at home, I threw my school bag in the corner of my room and jumped on my bed, covering my face with my huge pillow.
-
I didn't want to think of what just happened or how badly I wished to erase this moment out of my life.
-
'I should have known-'
I sighed and sat up.
-
I've noticed that I was acting kinda strange lately.
All those kinds of 'feelings' were causing my head to ache.
-
I was not able to figure out what exactly 'we' were, but I knew I wanted to help him, or just be a comfort place for him.
I wanted to be someone special to him in a good way.
Not just his rival.
I never felt this way before and the worst part was the fact that I didn't even know why.
-
I knew that he cared about me, even tho he wouldn't ever admit it, and a friend would definitely be someone, who would be able to care for him- but why did he had to be so stubborn?
Another question I were not able to answer at this point of time.
-
I knew his father was a huge influence in his life and since their relationship was KINDA unhealthy, I couldn't help myself but thinking of helping him.
Of course, it wasn't a matter of mine but somehow, I felt sorry for him.
I just wanted to show him how beautiful living could be and proving that life isn't just a battlefield.
-
With this thought on my mind, I looked back at the days with Koro-Sensei and his impact on my life.
I never thought I'd need someone like him in my life but the more I thought of it, the more I reminded myself of the last day with him.
-
It has been the first time I cried over someone in years.
I'm very thankful for my time with him. He used to be such an important part of my life.
-
Somehow, I thought the best time in my life was over the moment I graduated and I had to be prepared for a boring life as an adult, who may be able to teach his future kids what he learned from the best teacher he could ever ask for.
-
I never thought that somebody would be able to make me think of myself that way ever again.
Strangely, I've stopped feeling bloodlust around Asano and somehow, we just reached out to each other and were able to build a solid base for the two of us.
-
I've never been a huge fan of physical contact or just being soft around people but I couldn't control myself when I was around this guy.
He made me longing for something strange, something new and exciting.
He made me feel a kind of feeling no one else was ever able to make me feel.
-
I started to want to get to know him even more.
I started to want to be near him more often.
-
If only my heart would stop beating this fast every time I heard his voice or saw his face.
I hated how this strange feeling messed up my life, but I didn't want it to stop either.
Somehow, I loved being around him and seeing him smile or just feeling his heat next to me.
-
I certainly wasn't used to be that close to someone and no one ever made me long for it- except for him.
He was different from all the people I came to knew in my life.
He seemed cold, but also delightful and mysterious.
He was nice, gentle and, most importantly, true to himself as long as he was around me.
I loved how he didn't seem to fake himself anymore every time we were alone.
-
I knew our relationship seemed to be rather toxic to people, who didn't know us but we knew, deep inside our hearts, it was right and both of us enjoyed the time we spent together, every tease and all those little battles.
-
I smiled while thinking of how much changed within the last 2 Months- or just the two of us.
-
And I was still hoping he'd forget about what happened that day.
Even tho I really meant what I said, he simply wasn't ready for it I guess.
I could feel an aching pain raising inside of me.
He kept lying, although he knew I could tell it was a lie.
-
'Why can't he just be himself when it comes to feelings?'
-
How long had he been lying to himself?
How many nights did he spent alone, thinking he needed to fake himself in order to become someone similar to the father of his?
-
I clenched my fist and hit the wall.
'Who would do something like this to his own flesh and blood, his only son?'
-
This was the first time I felt bloodlust in months.
This guy should be glad he wasn't the principal anymore, otherwise I didn't know if I would have been able to hold myself back every morning I had to face him.
-
"I would beat the sh*t out of this guy."
I whispered to myself.
-
I haven't gotten into a fight since spring vacation and I had to admit - I missed it a bit.
Somehow, it seemed like being that close with Asano distracted me in a good way.
In a way I never thought someone would be able to distract me.
While I walked to my window, I looked up to the moon.
-
'I guess this is a lesson I have to learn on my own, Koro-Sensei.'