snape x reader

Chapter 15

A/n - Hi guys! Basically I started writing this story a couple of years back, where I was Y/n's age (15 or 16) but now if you people feel uncomfortable with her potentially being 15 and a minor, then we can up her age to an older year - but you lot have to use your imagination
also random song choice for the chapter, hope you enjoy!! xxxx

My eyes flutter open and mid stretch, I sit up in the soft covers of a predominately unfamiliar bed.
"Good morning," Severus speaks, his voice huskier than usual, from the edge of the bed. His eyes glance down at me, and a smirk forms on his lips - I realise I am fully naked. I quickly pull the silk sheets to cover my body, and let out an awkward laugh.
"Morning," I reply sweetly.
"I hoped you slept well?" He inquires.
"Never better," I say, smiling.
"I have made you a coffee, it's on the bed side table, there is something we must talk about." He speaks in a lower tone as he stands up. "It's about your parents." clenching his jaw, he begins pacing the space between the end of the bed and the small kitchen. He was dressed in his usual clothes, a few buttons undone, but still too smart for the early morning. Actually, I don't even know the time.

"Y/n, your parents, well firstly I want to say, this happened many years ago. A time when the war was in control of all aspects of everyon's lives. Your parents were my collegues. You father was at school with me. He was a great man. I believe your mother went to school abroad, but may I say, they would be so proud of you."

Yea, proud of sleeping with the man who killed them.

"Y/n, it's not like that. I know you are hurt. I am sorry. And I am even more sorry for lying to you. For making a selfish decision once again."

"Oh yea, I forgot I had to censor my thoughts around you," I roll my eyes, uncomfortable at the conversation.

"I did not kill them. I just didn't stop it from happening. I did what I could, but not enough. And everytime I saw you I felt an immense guilt. And if anything-"

"Oh I get it now. I'm a charity case. Just another girl the great Severus Snape feels guilty for. And if your whole Lily shit wasn't an enough. Oh yea I do know. I did my research." I roll my eyes and speak with annoyance.

"Y/n that is quite enough." His voice deep in irriation. "Let me finish."

"Alright, sorry." I look down.

"You are not a charity case. You are nothing of the sort. I understand if you will never forgive me. And after last night I was almost certain, but there's something about you. Something that wakes the deepest desire within me. An uncontrollable lust. An irresistible passion. A siege of emotion so great, I have felt none alike. Forgive me for telling you this. My actions were selfish and unfair, and I will never forgive myself. The choice is yours to make. I have lost too much to give up now." Emotion after emotion present within his eyes, his features soften with every next word he speaks. Such beautiful words. No one has ever spoken in such a way to me. This is like a feeling I have felt in no other circumstance, and for some unfathomable reason - I cannot let him go. I will not let him go.
"Oh, I - Well I wasn't actually aware of the intensity of your feeling, but I accept nevertheless." I smirk slightly, whilst mimicking his way of speaking and looking down in a playful manner. His dark eyes meet mine, and a hint of shock is visible in his barely fallen jaw.
"Y/n," he whispers, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Thank you."

~~

With no lessons today, I found myself enjoying one of my favourite books Anna Karenina. A book filled with lust and tragedy, and although this was the case, I couldn't help myself from glorifying the events. What I have come to realise is that perhaps my conscious speaks one thing, morally acceptable of course like most others, yet I find myself attracted to a darkness. In a way I can't describe. Can't comprehend even. It's inexplainable but explains my actions. And it comes from deep within. And despite each tragic consequence, my actions remain desirable and excusable. I shut the book suddenly, with the final realisation or even acceptance of who I truly am, and hold back a single tear aching to escape my eye. I set the book back on the shelf and begin to leave the muggle literature section of the library. Most pureblood students had refused all together to even set foot in this section, but secretly, I liked to read books - never take them out, but just read them in the comfort of all the other texts, classic Russian literature and shakespearean alike. I walk down the hallway, shivering slightly and gazing at the dark outside of the castle through the windows. The torches on the wall barely light the way, but the assurance that comes with darkness allows me to find my way. My mind involuntarily wonders to Severus, and the events that happened over the course of the day. The talk in the morning that felt short but somehow fixed everything. Weirdly. The ambiguity surrounding my parents death that for some reason means a lot less to me than it should. And the satisfaction of making the decision that controlled the outcome of our relationship. Shit! Relationship! I had almost forgotten about-
"Y/n?" I bump into a tall and lean figure, books spilling onto the floor. James. Crap. And just when I had thought I'd made a conscious mature self realisation I forgot that i'm still pretty much the same teenage girl that I was like yesterday. With a boyfriend. That I walked - ran even, out on. During sex. I mean, what's worse - well other than sleeping with a teacher murderer who's not actually a killer but a mess instead. Damn. I've done well this year.
"James, oh hey." I step back from him, watching him pick up his books from the floor.
"Y/n, after last night, well I wanted to say. Basically, Y/n the thing is.."
"James, honestly it's fine, don't worry about it."
"No wait, let me finish, please. Y/n, i'm so sorry for the way I acted. I'm sorry that I pressured you into anything, and well,"
"You didn't pressure me it's all okay, I just felt-"
"Y/n, I love you."