To Be (Draco Malfoy x Emerald Black)

XXXXXI

The train comes to a stop after a man yells our destination has been reached. I get up and walk out of the restroom, and grab my luggage from the top of the compartments. I sigh at the weight and drag it behind me as I look at the beauty of the castle in front of me. It stood there in all of its glory, unknowing of what is going to come of it. I see Draco ahead who is dragging his luggage as well. Crabby and Goyle try talking to him but he coldly walks past them, ignoring them. I spot Blaise within that area as well and my heart stops. I wonder if he remembered. I'm sure his face did after what Draco told me he did. I grab my side with an arm securely, trying to bring a sense of self comfort. That night would forever be imprinted in my brain. The fear of being helpless.

I walk inside of Hogwarts and I'm welcomed by the smell of cinnamon, pine, and apple spice. I take a turn to go down the stairs into my dark common room, to my depressing cave and prefect room. I hear wheels behind me, knowing it was Draco. I could tell if it was him by the way he walked. Elegant stride, even, and non staggered. I open my prefect door and throw the luggage on the bed in front of me. I hear someone come in behind me. Just great.

"Is it too late to apologize?" I turn and see Draco slumped against the side of the door, his luggage dropped at his side. I sigh.

"You did nothing wrong Draco. Well, you did, but I guess we are both going through too much to comprehend things correctly right now." I look down at the green and beige rug and use my toes to slip off my boots from the heel. He nods and rolls his luggage next to mine, taking a seat on the bed. I flop down next to him and shift my hair to curtain myself from his face as much as possible to avoid any awkward situation.

"I don't want to hurt you either." Draco suddenly says. "It's one of my fears. I can't hurt you, especially not on purpose." My head snaps up and I look at him.

"Just like you said, Draco- do what you have to do. We are both experienced enough to block one another's hits." I say. I pull my wand out of the pocket of my suitcase and twist it in my hands. Mine was just like Draco's except mine was black with white carvings here and there. I wondered why mine was so conflicted in nature, but now I saw why. Tom Riddle was too.

"You know, Draco. We have the same wand, same core. Unicorn hair." I change the subject and smile holding up my wand to him.

"I do not." He crosses his arms over his lap and leans down.

"You know unicorn hair isn't such a bad thing- it's actually good. It shows that while you're conflicted in nature, there's a pureness inside of you. There always has been." I point my wand into his chest playfully. He shoves it away and rolls his eyes.

"I doubt it." He says coldly standing up. He throws his luggage onto the bed and starts to unzip it. I ignore his change of subject.

"Do you think the professors will catch onto us? You know, in the same room and such." I shrug. He looks at me and slightly rolls his eyes.

"Snape is a bloathing idiot." He aggressively grabs his things and with the flick of his wand they're organized into a dresser. I look up at him from the bed.

"You surely are cute when you're irritated." I tease.

"I'm not cute. Do not call me that." He says. He smiled a little, that I could tell.

"You're my cute idiot." I joke. His look shoots to me, and he leans down his hands on either side of me. He shoves my suitcase to the ground beside me, and is face to face with me just inches away. His breath smelled of mint and was hot. It travelled down my neck and I lift my head back expecting him to know what to do, but all of a sudden my neck feels the absence of heat and is met with cold. I snap my head back down and glare at him. "Hey." I frown.

"I told you not to," he says with a smirk. There was the older Draco I knew. "Hey I've been meaning to ask but I was too busy being an arse- how was staying with the.. you know, Weasels." He almost cringes at the name.

"It was fine, we just mingled. Sirius and I met- we talked.. he let me read his journal from when he was here at Hogwarts. How my mother was pregnant with me here, and how... he didn't want it- me. She was expelled from being pregnant and after I was born, she was killed by Him and Dumbledore brought me to the Potters." Draco grew silent.

"So you and Potter." He almost glares.

"Nothing like that, I was born before he was by a few months. But I guess him and I are Sirius', godchildren." I look down at my hands. "The night Lily and James Potter we're killed, Dumbledore came in and saved both of us. Sirius assigned me to a family he knew meant well. Serve me well."

"I see. You realize if Sirius was ever your true father you and I would be third cousins, right?" He asks.

I nod. I've always known that in the back of my head but I'd rather not think it. Everyone who were pure bloods were mostly interrelated somehow. It was simple knowledge. "Yeah, I do. But that wouldn't change anything. There's been first and second cousins marrying in this blood line," I add. He nods and turns to walk to the bathroom.

"I'm going to get into the shower. Care to join?" He holds out in hand in a playful manner and I stick my tongue out at him.

"In your dreams, Malfoy." I roll my eyes.

"Ouch, last name basis?" He raises his eyebrows and I look down laughing. "Just know the offer stands," he teases. He disappears into the bathroom and I hear the water immediately turn on. If I was being completely honest, seeing him with wet hair made everything better.

About twenty minutes had passed. I was still waiting for Draco, and he took pretty quick showers. I go to the bathroom door and softly knock. "Draco, is everything alright?" No answer. "Draco." Still no answer. I grab my wand from my pocket and unlock the lock quietly. "I'm coming in." I enter the bathroom to see him only wrapped in a towel from the waist down. His soft abs peeked through and the start of his V line was very outlined. He was more muscular under his robes than I had thought. He stared into the mirror, his hair dripping and head down. I run over to him to grab his hand only to see his left arm covering his right. The Death Mark. He sucked in a breath as if he was crying. "Draco, no." I gasp. I pull his head into my chest, feeling the wetness of his hair leak through the material. His back was trembling, and he seemed to try and pull away. I hug him tighter, stroking his soft hair. I've never seen Draco cry in my life.

"It burns." He gritted. I feel his head shift in my embrace, and he gives up trying to resist me. My hand trails down his back.

"I know, love. I know." Seeing him in pain made me hurt. The way he cried was so silent, I wouldn't have noticed. He's probably had to muffle his cries for years now, hiding his tears out of fear of judgment. He pulls back and looks down. I grab his right arm and he looks at me with shock, pulling it back immediately.

"Don't." He spits. I don't listen and I grab it again. I rest my right hand over it. I wouldn't listen to him or give him what he wants, he needed to break boundaries.

"This? This is your survivor mark. Nothing else." I bring it up to my lips and kiss it. His face is frozen as he looks at me with wide eyes. It was his survivor mark. He wouldn't kill someone, he didn't have their lack of humanity. "Now.. get dressed, and we will go to bed okay?" I nod at him and look at him pleadingly. He looks to the side and nods. I turn on my heels and exit the room.

Draco Malfoy crying. It broke my heart.

I didn't know the mark caused his physical pain. And that only made me wonder; did he cry in secret every night over the pain of it?