First Kiss, First Love, First Heartbreak

Chapter 9

I hate driving in the snow so Matt drove me today. It is really awkward because his girlfriend is here. I don't know why I didn't ask Lizzy or Cole for a ride. I guess I just didn't want to tell them about the other day with Jeremiah. I mean, not that anything happened, but I know Cole wouldn't want me back there, and if I told Lizzy, she would tell Cole. Matt and his girlfriend, Carolina, have been making googly eyes the whole way. I'm pretty sure I have barfed at least twice in my mouth. As soon as he parks the car, I get out as quickly as possible. Jeremiah walks up to me.

"You need to go." I say without looking at him.

I can hear his jaw drop. "I thought we were cool."

I stop walking and he also does. "Yes, we are cool," I gesture to the two of us. "But if Cole finds out, we will not be cool."

I start taking the long path to class, but I don't lose Jeremiah behind me. "But nothing happened, so why can't he know?" I move some of the snow out of my way. It's not snowing hard, and it usually doesn't, but I still move the snow to make a path.

"Because he will never let me near you again. Cole tends to be... well he gets very jealous."

He laughs. "But Livi, there's nothing to be jealous of. We used to be a thing. I don't think of you that way anymore." I don't know why, but his saying that hurts. Like I was punched really hard with a metal fist. I look down at the dirty overgrown path so he doesn't see my eyes water. I don't know why, but a piece of me still cares about him. But just a little bit.

"I know, but I don't want Cole to even think that I'm talking to you because I like you." I make a left at the fork in the sidewalk. "Jeremiah, I'm here as a friend. We both know nothing is gonna happen, so just don't tell Cole." And like that I walk away. Cole will freak if he knows I went over and stayed for dinner. But what he doesn't know won't kill me.

I didn't invite him to sit with us at lunch, but I guess Lizzy did. I could kill her. He drops his tray next to Lizzy and sits down. His brown hair falls onto his eyes, and I have a weird feeling like I should brush it away, but I don't move my hand. Being near him makes all the feelings come back. The feeling of being heartbroken, and the feeling that I like him more than anything. I mean, I like Cole more, but still. I pull out a Chewy granola bar, and Jeremiah busts out laughing. He laughs so hard his eyes get watery. The three of us just stare at him.

He's laughing so loudly that I can hear him clearly over the talking of the students in the cafeteria. When he stops laughing, he points to me. Me? Do I have something on my face, sandwich in my teeth? "You still eat those things?" Oh! He's talking about the granola bar. I feel embarrassed. I don't know why.

"Yes, she does. You got a problem with that?" Cole says before I can say anything. I hear anger and maybe even disgust in his tone. Is he really mad that Jeremiah was laughing? I grab his hands and feel new calluses on his hand. I grab his hand and look at them. "I'm fine." He lies. The calluses look like they bled. Some of them are still very red. He tries pulling his hand away, but I don't let him. They're irritated. He only works out this hard when he's mad, or sad.

I stand up from the table. "Come on." I tell him. He stands up without arguing, because he knows he won't win this. I lead him through our school's cafeteria doors and out to the sidewalk. We take the quick way. We don't say a word. We walk in the orange nurse's office. The nurse isn't here, which is okay, because I've cleaned enough of his calluses to know how. "Wanna tell me what this is about." I say as I grab some alcohol and a cloth.

"I told you, I'm fine."

"Cole I know you better than that." I pour the alcohol on the rag. "Hold my left hand." I know the alcohol burns, and if he holds me he won't scream because he'll know I'm here. I start dabbing them lightly, and I can tell he's in pain. His face turns white, but he doesn't fight me. I clean his right hand, then his left. I finish by wrapping them in white ace wrap. "Are you really not going to tell me?"