Collateral Damage

Chapter Fifteen

I didn't mean to tell Ms. Walker that I saw Matt.

In fact, after my parents' lackluster reaction, I thought it would be better not to tell anyone. Who would I tell, anyway? It wasn't like anybody cared...

Well, maybe John would care. But his mother's unexpected appearance put him in a foul mood that week. He was sullen and withdrawn, even when we had lunch together. I knew he didn't want to talk about it, and I certainly wasn't going to burden him with my problems on top of everything else.

I thought that I could it handle on my own. If I distracted myself as much as possible—with schoolwork or movies or anything that could keep my attention for hours at a time—the pain would pass.

School, as usual, was no help. English class was finally done with The Great Gatsby. Unfortunately, our next assignment was Othello. Another story about how lies and jealousy ruin relationships. Perfect.

If I spotted Bernadette in the hallways, the image of that other girl would resurface in my mind. My rage returned with a vengeance. This was all her fault. If she hadn't lied about Matt, this never would have happened.

It was always there, hovering over me. A weight on my back that grew heavier every moment. A whisper in the back of my mind.

So after only two days, my resolved snapped. The truth spilled out the second I stepped into Ms. Walker's office.

When I finished, the first thing she asked was, "And you didn't talk to him?"

"I couldn't."

"Why not?"

It was amazing how obtuse she could be. "Because," I tried to explain without sounding curt, "it would been embarrassing!"

"For you or him?"

"Both of us, of course! Besides, he was busy with his new friends!"

"Friends?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

I flushed. I hadn't mentioned that minor detail. "Uh, yeah. He was with a group. Probably some kids from his new school, I guess."

"I see. And were there any girls in this little group?"

I didn't respond. Why bother? The answer was written all over my face, even if I couldn't bear to say it out loud.

She stared at me for a long time. I hated it when she did that. The silence was uncomfortable enough, but the way she looked at me with that perfectly bland face...I could practically see the wheels in her mind turning, picking apart everything I had just told her, hoping for some deeper context.

Whatever it is you want to say, just say it already! I thought irritably. Enough with the suspense!

At last, she spoke. "You know, over the past couple of weeks, I've listened to you express your anger. Not just towards yourself, but other people too: Bernadette, her parents, your parents, the school..." Here she paused to give me another serious look over her glasses. "But I never hear you express your anger towards Matt."

I blinked. "I'm not angry at Matt."

"I think you are," she replied.

"Why would I be mad at him?" I asked angrily. "He didn't do anything wrong!"

"Except not take you back."

"I can't be mad at him for that!"

"Really?" Her tone was skeptical. "You can honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you don't resent him for that? Not even the slightest bit?"