Collateral Damage

Chapter Twenty

Thanksgiving passed without much incident. Sam came for dinner and was gone by the weekend. As usual, he and I barely exchanged two words during his stay. Yet in a weird way, I didn't really mind his indifference as much as usual. It was actually kind of nice to have someone in my family that wasn't fretting over my personal life.

When I came back to school, I was resolved to get through the rest of the semester. There was less than a month left until winter break. All I had to worry about was finals...

That is, until Ms. Walker had dropped a bombshell at our meeting.

"Bernadette is leaving school next month," she announced.

It's amazing. You spend so long waiting for something to happen. You imagine that when it finally does, the gleeful fanfare lying dormant inside you will emerge in a Snoopy dance. Then the moment comes, and you're so shocked that you feel nothing at all.

"Did you hear me?" Ms. Walker asked a little louder, gauging my reaction. "Bernadette is leaving."

"Yeah," I nodded, numb. "I heard you."

Ms. Walker eyed me dubiously. "What's wrong? I thought that would make you happy."

"Well, I'm not unhappy about it," I said honestly.

"But...?" she prodded for more.

"But it's not like it's going to make much of a difference," I elaborated. "It's not like Matt's going to come in her place." It pained me greatly to have to admit this.

Ms. Walker, however, was pleased. "Good," she beamed. "The fact that you feel this way shows immense maturity on your part."

Privately, I wasn't so sure. The fact that I felt nothing over Bernadette's upcoming departure didn't make me feel like I made any progress in healing. If anything, I only resented her more for it; she somehow managed to ruin this moment for me too.

"And that's why I think you're ready for the next step," she continued.

"Okay, what's that?" After the hell I put myself through writing to Matt, I thought I was ready for anything.

"A meeting with Bernadette."

Anything but that.

When I didn't say anything, she folded her her hands together and took on the calm, practiced tone often used for a long lecture. "Wendy, I realize that this is asking a lot. Yet this is an opportunity that you can't afford to pass up, especially now that she's leaving. I think a face-to-face meeting would be good for both of you."

"Not for her," I muttered under my breath.

She flashed me an "I'll-pretend-I-didn't-hear-that" that look over her glasses. "Don't you at least want to hear her side of the story?"

"No."

She sighed. "Wendy..."

"I don't think I can be in the same room with her right now," I said tartly.

"It'll be just the three of us," she went on, as if that would convince me. "No one else will be there, not Principal Harris or her mother..."

"Her mother?" I interrupted. "Why should I be worried about her mother?"

"Oh." Flushing, she suddenly diverted her attention on straightening a messy pile of papers on her desk. "Well...I heard there was an...incident in the parking lot..."

"Oh God, did Bernadette tell you?" It had to have been her. John was the only one that had been there, and he never would have told...

Knowing she was caught, she simply pushed aside the papers with another sigh. "Yes."