Just around the corner

Chapter 8

Great, just great! The only thing I didn't want happening has just bloody happened. I knew Lacy wouldn't take this news lightly, but I hoped that it would have been me who told her. I sit on the couch with my head in my hands. Chewing the inside of my cheek, contemplating if going out to dinner with another man is the right thing to do.

Over the course of the next week, I type a message to Jason and then delete it. I am struggling with all of this. The devil on one shoulder is telling me to just go with it. Don't worry what Lacy is thinking and feeling, but the angel on the other side is telling me to be the mother I am and put my kids first.

I knew from the start that moving on would be hard. Alex will always own my heart, but at the same time my life feels empty. I have the most amazing children and I love them dearly, but I have more to give. A lot more to give. Unfortunately, it seems my baby doesn't see that. All Lacy sees, is me moving on and forgetting her dad.

She hasn't spoken to me since Saturday afternoon, when she told me she hated me. The pure hatred that is written on her face every time she sees me, breaks my heart more and more as each day passes. I have tried to speak to her but every time I open my mouth, she turns her back on me.

"Mum, I have tried talking to Lacy but she won't even listen to me" Misty says to me while we are making breakfast. "I don't know what to do Mis. This is killing me. Maybe I should cancel this dinner thing with Jason. I need to put you girls first" I tell Misty. The sadness etched on her face, makes my heart break even more.

"Mum, don't you dare put us above your own happiness. The way you spoke about this man last week, I was so freaking excited for you. Don't let a pissy 13-year-old dictate your life. She needs to learn that she isn't the center of everyone's universe. She needs to learn that, yes you may be moving on but you'll never forget Dad. I know it. So don't be stupid by cancelling this date"

I look at Mis. She is so wise beyond her 17 years. I just wish I could make everybody happy.

**

The rest of the weekend passed by in a blur. I was stuck inside my own head for the majority of it. Jason would send me cute little messages, but I couldn't find it in myself to give him cute responses. Replying normally with a smiley emoji. Why does this moving on bullshit have to be so bloody hard?

Monday, and Tuesday, blended into one day it felt. Work was busy so I had no time to wallow in self-pity. It is now Wednesday, and Chelsea is again trying to spread positive cheer throughout the office. I just don't feel that cheer. My mind is stressing about this weekend and how do I fix things with Lacy. I still should just cancel it. Tell him something came up and never reschedule. That would fix everyone's problems.

"Laura, what's got you so down? Talk to me" Chelsea says while taking a seat next to me. "Just a lot on my mind Chelz. I'll be fine" I respond to her. "Laura" She says my name and I turn in my chair to face her. I can already feel my eyes filling with tears. Just knowing the minute I blink they will come crashing down. Chelsea puts her arms around me and pulls me into her chest.

"Hun, I don't know what is going on but you need to let me in. I can't help you if you don't" She whispers into my hair. I spend the next hour telling her all about Jason, the date coming up with Jason and the way Lacy is treating me. "Oh Laura. Ok, first of all. Fuck yeah babe. You're going out on a date. There will be no cancelling this. Now the issue with Lacy. I love that little girl. She can always put a smile on my face, but Laura, she needs to grow the fuck up. Does she expect you to not live anymore? Are you meant to become an old cat lady? The world does not revolve around her" I cut her off "Yeah Misty said the same thing about her" "Exactly. She will one day remember the way she behaved and will feel so much regret" I can see the tears forming in Chelsea's eyes

"I know what that feels like. You know I do. I was the exact same to my Dad after my mum passed away and now I will never get the chance to fix it with him. I will never be able to tell him I'm sorry and hear him say, I forgive you. Maybe I will come over to your house and talk to her for you" Chelsea says as the tears are falling from her eyes.

"You'd do that for me?" I ask her. "I'd do anything to see you happy again Laura. I know Alex has only been gone for just over a year, but he would want you to move on. He would want you to be happy again. He would want you to receive the world. This is just a hurdle. The first date is always going to be the hardest, but just seeing what I saw that night. You and Jason have chemistry like no other. Yes, it's not the same as you and Alex, but there is still chemistry there. Run with it, babe"

Chelsea's word ran through my head for the rest of the day at work and long into the night at home. We organised for her to come over tomorrow night to speak with Lacy. I just hope Lacy isn't a bitch to Chelsea. Something's gotta give and I am starting to agree with Misty and Chelsea. It shouldn't be me giving up some happiness in my life. Lacy needs to realise that I am still human and am allowed to be loved and fall in love with someone else.

**

Thursday comes and goes just as quick as every other day this week. It is now Friday. I don't know what Chelsea said to Lacy, but today she isn't so up herself. She actually looked at me without the hate in her eyes. Small steps Laura, small steps. I keep reminding myself. Making my morning coffee, off in my own little world, my phone pings in my hand

Jason- Can't wait for tomorrow night. I haven't been able to stop thinking about you!

I reply

Laura- I hope those thoughts were pure and innocent, like me 😉

He replies back within a minute of mine being sent

Jason- I wouldn't have a clue what pure and innocent means 😉

I laugh and laugh. Then I laugh some more. I haven't laughed like this in a bloody long time and it feels so good. I make my coffee in my to go cup, grab a banana out of the fruit bowl. Kiss both my girls on their heads and head out the door with a smile on my face. This is the first time in a long time I am feeling light and that things are finally starting to look up.