So I know I'm technically writing this on the seventeenth in my time zone, but I'm counting it for the sixteenth so shhh. At practice today the defense were talking and I mentioned doing a sort of campout/ campfire thing at my house, and everyone seemed to like the idea, but one of my friends texted me later to tease me that it was all some sort of plot to hang out with the girl I like. While it might have been subconsciously, and the more I think about it from that angle it's a good idea I had intended just to do it to hang out with people.
It's not like anything will be coming of my little crush on this girl anyways, I don't even know if she likes girls. And besides, the last two people I confessed to (who were both girls) rejected me so who's to say it won't be three for three, I also know "third time's a charm" but I don't want to get my hopes up too much or else the let down will be that much worse. At this point I don't really know what my sexuality is, I feel like kids are forced into believing they have to like people of the opposite sex, so now I can't really discern my "crushes" on guys from platonic or romantic, but I know I definitely like girls. I guess I'll just continue identifying as pan until I figure it out.
I know no one is reading the ramblings of a teenage nobody, but I like to do it I guess, it's probably beneficial to my mental health in some way, shape, or form. But who needs mental health anyways? I'm doing fantastic-ish for someone who hasn't seen their therapist since March. But, I mean, what more could you ask for?
This whole "liking a girl" nonsense isn't great because I do my best not to get my hopes up too much because I know the eventual let down will crush me. But I'm so much of a hopeless romantic that I can't help but imagine an ideal situation where she returns my feelings and we start going out et. cetera. I even have a first picnic date planned, even though it's mid-October and I live in the midwest which means it's very chilly yet I want to go on a picnic date. It'd be at this metro park near where I live that has this huge lake, which is where I first learned to skip rocks, and I'd set up a blanket in some little private clearing underneath an orange-leafed tree. I'd even make the lunch myself and get one of those legit wicker picnic baskets that I have in my basement and I'd pack it all up in my car and I'd drive her there and do my best to keep it a surprise. Heaven help me, I'm so done for. It's hard not to get your hopes up when you're a hopeless romantic, y'know? But I do my best so I won't be heartbroken.
In other news, I watched a Boss Baby tv show on Netflix with my six year old nephew, and for some reason I paid attention. Maybe it's just because I wanted him to think I was interested so there was something we could talk about. I tried getting him to watch Avatar the Last Airbender, but I think it was a little mature for him, he only really liked the fighting scenes. (Fun fact: one of my friends likes Legend of Korra more than Avatar and I need everyone to know so everyone can agree that he's wrong.)
I'm literally falling asleep where I sit, and my computer is at 8% so I'm going to head out. Stay dry, stay warm, be nice to people, I love you, have a good night.
Much love,
Bee <3
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Dear Diary
RandomBasically just a place for me to keep my thoughts, feel free to talk with me :) this is just me rambling about anything and everything so it could be a little boring just an fyi.
