Dear Diary

Dear Diary, 10/25/2020

Well, I said it at the start: I am not good at doing something every day and keeping that routine up. But hey, I only missed a couple of days and not like a whole week or month right? So that's good. It's been raining here since Sunday night and I'm so happy because I love the rain, and I get to collect rainwater.

Actually Monday I showed up later than I usually do to field hockey practice, and my friends were saying "oh she's probably stuck in traffic" since that's my usual excuse. But then they went on to one of my friends saying  "she's probably late because she's trying to charge her crystals" so when I showed up they told me that, which made me laugh because I had put some of my crystals on my dashboard to charge and I had placed a mason jar next to my car to collect rainwater. So, essentially, my friends know me too well. We also got started talking about zodiac signs, and how there should be a TV show that's essentially just "Your Honor, my client is a Pisces so obviously he is not the killer." and the judge either being super confused by this method of defense or the judge completely agreeing. I dunno, I thought it was funny.

We had our first game of tournament on Tuesday, it was tied the entire game and we had to go into overtime, we won in the first 20 seconds or so of overtime 1-0. I almost cried I was so happy, since that means we get to continue on with our senior season. I don't think anyone really understands how much something can mean to a person (no matter how trivial) once you almost lose it, because if we had lost that game that would have probably been the last game of field hockey I'll ever play. We play again this coming Tuesday, and I want to win so badly, if we keep winning we keep playing and that keeps me going.

Friday's practice was halloween themed, so everyone dressed up in costumes and we played a bunch of games and stuff in them. The seniors dressed up as the Scooby Doo gang, and we obviously had the best costumes.

Also, last night, we did a team bonding thing and went to this corn maze near us, and each group that did the corn maze had a theme, ours was basic white girl, we didn't complete the maze first sadly but we still had lots of fun. Then afterwards I invited people over to my house for hot chocolate (in my backyard, social distancing of course) all but one of the seniors showed up, a couple juniors and one freshman. One of the people that showed up is the girl I like, and I found out she's straight which is a bummer for me but oh well, it's not like she can change that. I'm pretty bummed about that, but otherwise it was really fun hanging out with everyone and talking, and we all decided that we're all probably going to hang out again. Which will be fun, and I get to become better friends with them so that's nice too.

I've been having some funky mood swings recently, I don't know if it's my depression coming back full force since I haven't seen my therapist since March, or if it's senior year jitters. Whatever it is I want it to stop. It kind of sucks not knowing why you're feeling the way you're feeling, that way you can either attempt to recreate it or avoid recreating it.

Despite feeling not so great mentally, I've also been feeling pretty confident lately and I've had a pretty good body image. I've never really seen myself as good looking, but recently I've been more sure of myself and confident and I'm really happy about that. I'm not quite sure what the change is but I am very pleased with being pleased with my body.

I've been on a bit of a Hozier kick recently, if anyone else likes him let me know because I love him and sometimes I'll just listen to his music on repeat. My favorite song from him is In A Week, what more could you want than to just be reclaimed by the earth?

Anyways, that's all I have for now. Remember: Stay dry, stay warm, be nice to people, I love you have a good night. So mote it be.

Much Love,

Bee xx