Some nights I find it hard to sleep. The dull roars of silence poking on every edge of my seemingly awake mind. Sometimes it's a war, or a hurricane that appears to be going on inside, tucked neatly behind a well kept smile. Although recently all that has been, is an eerie quiet, the still inside my own mind brings a chill to all of my bones. A numb feeling, taking over all. As I lay in bed, staring up at the smooth pasty white ceiling, I cant help but wonder what it would be like, to live in peace. A world away from the roaring silence, a world away from the wars constantly keeping me awake at night as I try my hardest to sleep, even though the soft relaxation never finds me, for I am cloaked in the sturdy sheild of insomnia. During the day, I wear a mask, hidden so well in the form of a smile that it tricks whoever may look my way. Many others do as well, it keeps everyone else out and seems to protect us as a sheild. A sheild that grows stronger, the longer you use it, but one with repercussions as it sends you further into the depths of your tingling mind, just aching to feel something again. The night affects us all in a different way. Some of us, lay there going over conversations we have had throughout the day, others watch shows on their phones, and talk to friends during the long hours of the night. But I lay there, unable to think, let alone crawl inside my head to attempt to chase a thought over the endless plain of fog. The small voice inside my head that so rudely interrupts things has dissapeared, and sadly I know it won't be coming back. That small voice has been gone for a few years now, just leaving me to the lonely silent of the night, to the roar of emotions that I'm not sure how to repent anymore. Some nights they get so overwhelming it's like I'm in the ocean, clinging onto a rock with all my might. A small, damp rock, that if I hold in the wrong spot I will go tumbling into the depths of the water. The ocean seems very alluring, pulling us all in, telling us we will be safe in itself. But it is a trap. Once you fall, it is hard to climb back up, the waves gripping at every shred of fabric you have. A wild storm circles around, the winds tearing at our flesh, slowly prying us from the rock. You beg, and pray for some light to shine through, to tell you that you've been saved. But no light ever comes, only a dim gray fog, slowly closing in, untill there is nothing left at all. For now but not forever..
YOU ARE READING
The Journey From One To Another
EspiritualA journal from one to another, to help struggling minds with daily life, and to help one not to feel alone during the long hours of the night.
