I Found a Girl

CHAPTER 17: Jacob Elordi, now what?

Jennies POV

Life is amazing. And then its awful. And then its amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful its ordinary mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And its breathtakingly beautiful.

I closed the book, and breathe in. Am I broken hearted? I don't know. But I am in pain. As soon as Lisa drop that word, my world shatters like a glass that drop from a thousand feet and cannot be back again. I like Lisa whom I think won't like me back because she's not into girls, but boys. I should be happy for my friend, she's got this amazing guy. They really look good with each other. But I am the opposite, i would be lying if I told you I am happy but I am not. Because I am in pain right now.

Because you like her.

But she like another. And a guy to be exact.

Every time they cross my mind, I feel like someone I grabbing my heart, gripping it until it stop bleeding. Like someone is covering my nose and mouth. Its suffocating, and right now I don't know how to deal with it.

My sister together with my best friend tried comforting me, telling me that's ok. And in time I will accept it. That time will heal the pain I am feeling. But what if its not? My mind was battling again with my what if's and knots and I can't help it. What if it won't heal? What if I don't wanna heal, because I know, as clear as ice that I wan't Lisa to like me back too. What if that college day, when I accidentally said I like her and she heard it, will she stay the same as my friend, or she will run away because she is not into girls? I am afraid for that to happen. I am afraid that Lisa will be gone in my life. Should I just keep it to myself that I like Lisa just for her to stay even as a friend? Should I be brave and tell that I like her and it pains me knowing she was with someone else now? And lastly, should I give up?

There are so many thoughts running through my mind. I don't know what to think anymore. Back then, I was only thinking on how to finish my college degree and now, I am dealing with this different emotions which are new to me courtesy of that tall creature.

"Lisa." I breathe as I close my eyes leaning on the cherry trunk here in the back school.

"Yes?" my head snap when I heard the voice.

"Jisoos Lisa! You scared me!" I was startled when Lisa's face was so close to mine.

"Oh I'm sorry Jennie, I didn't mean. But did you call me?"

"No!" i clasped my chest, trying to normalize the beating of my heart.

"Oh I heard someone called me, maybe I was just dreaming." She went back from lying on the ground and closed her eyes once again, why I haven't notice this girl a while ago.

"How long have you been here?"

"A few hours I guess." And then nothing, no one dares to talk. Maybe because Lisa is really trying to sleep, and as for me, I am trying to stop my mouth from asking questions that will confused me more or in other case, will hurt me more.

"Lisa." Humming as a sign that she is awake, I embrace myself to ask a question.

"Are you happy?" her eyes are still close and smiled.

"Of course I am, I met you guys, found new friends. I am happy." She said placing her right arm under her head.

"No, what I mean is, are you happy with him?" theres no turning back Jennie, whether the question will hurt or confuse you more, you wanted this. I thought to myself.