Angel of the Fallen Star

~ Divided ~

"I...... Can't do that, Logan. I'm sorry. I know what we had was the  rarest, most special gift anyone could bestow upon me, but it left too deep a scar. I'm not sure I can ever forgive you again. I'm just...... Not ready to trust you yet. I feel like it wasn't true...... It wasn't genuine." I struggled to say it in the nicest way possible, even though he didn't deserve it. Everyone at least needed to have their hearts and dreams crushed with the least possible amount of force.

True, true sadness filled his blue eyes. It was truly heartbreaking, even if I was the one breaking his heart. "Oh, but Angelica, all I ever wanted was you, all I need is you, nothing else in the whole wide world. You've made me the happiest person alive. I never want to let you go, I love you so much. You brought me out of the shadows and into the light. You showed me how to live like I never had before, you've been all of the wonderful things that have ever happened to me! I can't let all that go! You are the light of my life, the wind beneath my wings, my reason for going on. My love for you burns with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. I will never lose that. But from this I have learned that that is the nature of love. My sorrows will only increase from what has built up over my life, slowly closing its grip on my throat until it will strangle every breath from my lungs. Griefs of mine lay a heavy burden within the aching walls of my chest. This love you've shown to me so honestly will only add more suffering to my plentiful torture. Love is like smoke, the choking fumes of which I crave so dearly clog my dying heart. When it clears away, it is the fire sparkling in a lover's eyes. Try to cross it, and it's a sea nourished with a lover's tears that stream like rivers, caused by the separation of one's true desire. What else could it be? A deadly poison? A wise madness? A precious sweet? But all that doesn't matter if I won't have you to call my own. I need you, Angelica. I love you!" His words so tender were like poetry to my ears. It had a rhythmic, musical melody that I couldn't help but listen to.

We were quiet for a very, very long time. He was probably regaining his strength and breath- he had given quite a lengthy speech. Finally, I heard him weeping quietly on the other side of my temporary prison, his back to me. Slowly and cautiously, I stood up and walked over to him. I gingerly took his hands in mine and let them cup my face. His head was bent, tears dripping down his cheeks silently. I tilted his chin to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot and watery. He pulled me closer to him and I gently patted his back, willing him to become calm. It must be so hard for him, knowing I was seeing him at his most vulnerable. I hadnever, ever seen him so weak. He never cried. Never. I didn't think he was even able to cry, but that turns out no to be true. I allowed myself to take bliss in the feel of his closeness, his warm hands on my face, just like we used to be, except he was crying now. "Shhh.... There, there. It's okay. Shhh....." I soothingly traced patterns on his back with my fingertips. Eventually, he stopped crying, but was still shaking with sadness.

"Angelica," he said in a choppy, uneven voice. His throat must ache. I couldn't bear to see him like this, forgetting all that had happened between us. "Angelica, why do you give me such happiness and pleasure and hope, only to take it all away, knowing that we can never be how we used to be, how I'd always dreamed we'd be? It just makes me want to stop living all over again. I died that day, Angelica. The day I was forced to do what I had to. I died that day. It's like giving me something to love, just to have it taken away, over and over again. It wold cause me less pain for us just never to see each other again." Half of what he said to me I didn't understand.

"I don't understand. Why would you want to send me away when we are just beginning to be together again?" I said.

"I know, but there is no way we could be together. It's useless. Having you with me but not being able to be yours feels cruel, to both of us. It would just be easier for you to forget about me, Angelica. You could go on with your life without having to share my doomed fate. You can go on and live your life, and I will stay here alone, if it means you get to escape out into the world, explore the whole planet, just like we said we would. Just...... without...me." I felt like I was in a cruel, cruel dream and the whole thing was like a blur.