TELL

Regret and Blame

Lucas knocked on the window and Riley turned to him with a weak smile on her face. She motioned for him to come in so he crawled through.

"I thought maybe you were avoiding me." Riley said quietly as she sat down on the window seat. He sat beside her.

"To be honest, I was." He sighed.

Riley nodded. "I know you're angry at my uncle Josh and you hate him now, you probably have some violent thoughts towards him, but if you think I'll judge you, I won't." She clutched at her shirt where her heart is located. "I feel it too. I never felt hate before and I never wanted to." She sighed. "Maya told me when we were kids that she hated her father and I asked her what hate was, what it felt like, she explained it like a ball of fire burning in your chest, in your heart, and you get so mad that you want to hit something really hard, you don't even care if it hurts your hand."

Lucas stayed silent, waiting for Riley to finish so he could tell her the truth.

"I feel hate now." Riley frowned. "I feel it towards my Uncle Josh." She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I never wanted to hate anyone or anything, especially someone I once cared about so much, but I hate him now. I hate him and I want him to suffer." She tightly clenched her hand into a fist.

Lucas stared at her. What do I do? I see her tears and I want to comfort her, but if I do will it just hurt her more when I tell her what I need to say? But even when we break up we'll still be friends, I hope. She's a good friend and I need to comfort her. He pulled her into his arms and held her in his strong embrace. "It's okay. Let it out."

"I hate him." Riley cried gripping onto Lucas' shirt. "I hate him so much."

Lucas felt anger burn inside of him. "I hate him too." He frowned. "I hate what he caused and I hate that I couldn't stop it." He took a deep breath and whispered his truth into her ear. "I-I regret my choice."

Riley gasped and pulled away from him, tears flowing down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Riley. I-"

She gave him another weak smile. "It's funny, how you and I always think alike." She sniffed. "You regret choosing me and I-" She gripped onto the fabric of her skirt. "I blame you."

Lucas gasped and stared at her with wide eyes. "W-What?" He stuttered.

Riley pinched her eyes shut to try to stop more tears from coming. "When I first found out it was my uncle Josh, two thoughts flashed in my mind. One was him smiling at me innocently and I wanted to punch him, really hard, and the other-" A sob cut her off, but she forced herself to keep talking. "The other was you." She forced herself to look up at his shocked face. "You smiled at me and chose me while Maya got hurt and I wanted to punch you." Lucas blinked. "I wanted to hit you for not choosing her, for not protecting her!" Riley yelled in anger as tears streaked her face. "I blamed you for not being there when she needed you the most!" Her fist shook and he knew she wanted to hit him.

"Hit me."

Riley gasped and looked at him in shock. "What?!" She shook her head.

"It's okay, hit me."

"No. Lucas I don't want to hit you I was just saying that I thought about it, but I don't actually want to do it!"

Lucas sucked in a breath. "Hit me! I couldn't protect her! I should have protected Maya! I failed her! Hit me!"

Riley wiped away her tears with her fist. "I don't want to hurt you!"

"You won't hurt me! Just hit me! I deserve it Riley! Punch me!" He screamed in her face. "Please!"

Riley brought her fist up and threw it as hard as she could, using every bit of anger and hate she had towards her uncle and Lucas, into his face. Her fist connected with his cheek, the force making him turn his head. She gasped and held her hands to her mouth. "Are you okay?! Did I hurt you?! Lucas!" She panicked.

Lucas chuckled and rubbed cheek. "Wow, I did not expect you to punch so hard. That's a decent right hook."

Riley blushed a little. "I had a lot of pent up rage. Maya always said that's how you hit the hardest." She looked down. "She taught me how to throw a punch to defend myself." She frowned and looked back up at him. "Why couldn't Maya defend herself? I used to always think she would be able to fight her way out of any situation."

Lucas frowned. "It could be because she was caught off guard. She didn't think Josh could do something like that so she wasn't ready to fight him." He clenched his hand into a fist. "Or she was too scared to fight." He hung his head in shame. "I should have been there. I should have protected her. If I wasn't with you-" He cut himself off and looked away. "Sorry."

Riley shook her head. "It's okay." She gave him a small smile. "I know you love her and I know you feel like you could have saved her. Part of me knew, even when you chose me, that your heart belongs to Maya. I just let myself believe it could be mine, but I was fooling myself. It's always been Maya." She smiled at him through her tears. "Take care of her, Lucas. Please. Never let anyone hurt her again."

Lucas gave her a small smile and nodded. "I promise, with all my heart, no one will harm Maya again."